Here's my Princeton summer break essay. I can't believe I procrastinated this long, but its due today so i'm a little desperate for help. Any revisions, particularly near the end, or just general thoughts on what I can improve would be greatly appreciated.
Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.
Because of my exceptionally white skin, many are surprised to learn that the bulk of my last two summers have been spent out in the Arizona sun lifeguarding. While I may have failed to get a tan I did ascertain considerable work and life experience. Motivated by my love of swimming and pressure from my mom, who had been a lifeguard as a teenager herself, I applied for a job as a lifeguard after my sophomore year. Having sacrificed my spring break to become a certified rescuer, I was rather nervous about whether or not I would be hired based on the economic situation of the time and the reports I had heard from friends of unsuccessful attempts to get a job. I was relieved when I was able to find work and make use of those hours of training.
During that first summer I was hesitant about my duties as a lifeguard; watching over a hundred people whom I was responsible for was a nerve-racking thought. The possibility of what could happen if I failed to do my job correctly haunted me originally. My training had given me some confidence, but it wasn't until I had spent some time guarding that I was able to feel comfortable with my responsibilities. Despite my experience, I still feel a combination of uneasiness and pride concerning the prospect of rescuing someone. I guess it's rather fortunate that I gained more experience cleaning toilets while at the pool than I did performing actual rescues. Over the last two summers I have performed three rescues, and though it may not seem like many I feel a sense of accomplishment when I think of them.
The time I spent outside the pool was used hanging out with friends, attending scout camp, and reading. One of my favorite things about summer is the fact I have plenty of time to read. Some of my favorites during that time were The Count of Monte Cristo, Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead, 1984, and of course, the final Harry Potter. It's a good thing the last Harry Potter came out during the summer, because otherwise I may have been tempted to ditch school for a day or two to when it came out. The rest of my time was mostly spent swimming, drawing, just watching television, and simply enjoying the time I had off.
oh, and i didn't underline book titles here, but I did in my actual essay
The time I spent outside the pool was used hanging out with friends, attending scout camp, and reading. One of my favorite things about summer is the fact I have plenty of time to read. Some of my favorites during that time were The Count of Monte Cristo, Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead, 1984, and of course, the final Harry Potter. It's a good thing the last Harry Potter came out during the summer, because otherwise I may have been tempted to ditch school for a day or two to when it came out. The rest of my time was mostly spent swimming, drawing, just watching television, and simply enjoying the time I had off.[/i]This paragraph seems tacked on and not really related to the rest of the essay. Integrate it in.
Also, didn't Harry Potter come out in November? During school time? And the last book came out on 2007. I'm not sure I understand those points in your essay.
Thanks for the advice. Not sure how to integrate it in effectively, but i'll do what I can. And Harry Potter was released in July 2007, so I guess that was three years ago. Oh, well, you're right, those parts didn't really add anything anyway.
