Prompt #1:
Describe the world you come from -- for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
After the tenth birthday, my content life quickly turned into a new direction as my family moved from Vietnam to a small town in California. Moving to an entirely new country was a frightening experience due to many issues such as language and money. Surprisingly, this twisted chapter of my life would not only shape me into an independent and ambitious young man, but also would reveal my desire to obtain the glorious "American Dream."
Armed with only "Hello's" and "Goodbye's," my first school day was extremely difficult. Not knowing what to do or say made everything and everyone seemed so intimidating. Furthermore, I was subjected to many mild forms of bullying since I was the new "fob" student in the school. For this reason, I tended to stay in own comfortable zone without many friends, and eventually developed a dependent and rather coy personality.
Despite all of these, my life further took another unexpected turn in my sophomore year when my parents sent me to Florida to live with my aunt because they wanted me to have a better education. Life in Florida was tough because my aunt was extremely strict in my learning and personal life. She wouldn't allow me to use the television, the computer, and even my phone without her permission or before finishing my homework. Sometimes we would spend hours talking about my future and dreams, and since she was a pharmacist she tend to push my view towards business or medical professions. As a result, I immersed in volunteer work at a hospital in the pharmacy's department, the kitchen, and the reception desk. Through these odd jobs, I finally got to experience the hardships of working first-handed, and it ultimately served as the core of my motivation to become the first generation college student in my family. I further motivated myself to break out of my comfortable zone by joining many clubs, sports and other activities. I eventually became more social and outgoing. At one point, my friends and I even created our own "Statix" dance crew and competed in several competitions.
While my time with my aunt in Florida only lasted for a mere year, I truly believed this experience acted as a catalyst that ultimately created who I am today. I learned to become more independent and task-oriented. I adapted to hardships and took matters into my own hands rather than waiting for a solution. I even became more lively and outgoing. Even though I am not entirely sure to what I truly want to be in my life, I do believe that my struggles and experiences would make me a good candidate for college. And I hope that this decision will unlock the door to my own successful future.
first off, your essay is filled with many details and stories, which is great
second, the way you use your words and structures is also good too
however, u dont state exactly what your dream is, so im not sure if its ok or not
but overall, its good
btw, please check out my essays
