The Summer I Got Hye
A sense of pride comes along with being Armenian. Being Armenian is strength like no other, filled with the courage and bloodshed of our predecessors. My ancestors fought against the Turks for our rights and land, they sacrificed themselves. Even to this day the Turks will not acknowledge the Armenian Genocide and still have some of our land in their possession. Growing up I knew I was Armenian but I did not know a lot about the history of Armenia. This is what brought me back to Camp Haiastan, the camp I had spent one summer at before when I was nine.
722 Summer Street was to be my home for the next nine weeks. I was scared and excited at the same time. As I drove down the hill to camp I passed the caretakers house, the Dikran Tsamour function hall, and the tennis courts. At the bottom I was greeted into my new home by the Camp Haiastan sign. Everything was pretty much exactly as I remembered it; basketball courts, volleyball courts, directors quarters, office, rec hall, mess hall, cabin circle, and pool. The only thing that changed was the old pool that we had used to play hockey in had been replaced with a giant pavilion.
Over the course of my stay the staff had become a giant family. A few of them I consider to be my best friends. Ani, Arev, and Emily are the sisters I always wanted. Ani is the most free spirited individual I have ever met. Everything about her holds true to who she is, from her surfer dirty blonde hair to her 60's inspired wardrobe and taste in music. Arev is so cheerful. Her entire face lights up and her eyes glisten when she smiles. She can brighten a room when she walks in. Arev is the sunshine of my life and not just because her name means sun. Emily is a goof. She changes the pitch in her voice when she gets excited about something. She is so diverse. Her style is a mix of everything with a huge splash of tye dye. Together we all made a friendship that we called the Fabulous Four.
When the staff had our first meeting at camp we were told by our Director that "Camp Haiastan was the best place on earth." I truly realized this when I was packing my trunk. I had made so many amazing memoires here. I truly did not want to leave. Camp Haiastan really is the greatest place on earth.
I would not write about the turks as an awful people but more like something your people had to overcome--- better yet dont mention the turks mention that your people had to overcome a genocide. It comes off a bit strong
At the bottom I was greeted into my new home by the Camp Haiastan sign. Everything was pretty much exactly as I remembered it; basketball courts, volleyball courts, directors quarters, office, rec hall, mess hall, cabin circle, and pool. The only thing that changed was the old pool that we had used to play hockey in had been replaced with a giant pavilion. --- maybe cut it shorter its alot of info.
what did those three teach you? what did you learn here?
make sure you are answering the question
What is the significance of "Hye" in the essay?
You wrote "filled with courage and bloodshed," but I think it is better if you write:
...filled with courage inspired by that of our predecessors who experienced bloodshed...
I like your matter-of-fact writing style, but I want to tell you that you should try to make each paragraph about an idea. Let each paragraph have one main idea. So...
The introduction paragraph tells the main idea of the essay.
The first body paragraph gives a smaller idea to support the main idea of the essay.
The second body paragraph gives another small idea to support the main idea of the essay.
The third body paragraph gives another small idea to support the main idea of the essay...
The fourth body paragraph gives another small idea to support the main idea of the essay.
The conclusion paragraph is about the same main idea as the intro paragraph.
This is not the only way to do it, but it is a good way. Most importantly:
Begin each paragraph with a sentence that lets the reader know the main idea of the paragraph. Do not include sentences that do not support the main idea of the paragraph. So, writing a composition is like playing a game that requires you to create a kind of "structure" with your paragraphs.
:-)
