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"Army Brat" - UNC- Chapel Hill Common App./ Influential person


Shaysib 1 / 2  
Aug 27, 2011   #1
I'm still thinking of a good title. Any feedback would be appreciated!

As a single parent for almost 15 years, my mother has done the most miraculous job at raising my brother and I. She would always keep a warm, inviting smile on her face even through the tough times. During her days off work, she taught me typical lessons about fashion, guys, and doing my best in school. The most important lesson she ever taught me was being independent and strong. My mother may seem like she is the average loving American mom, but she isn't. She is also an American war hero.

Growing up as an "Army Brat," there was never a time when I could settle down and make long lasting friendships. Before I could even know my way around town, my mom would get the orders to transfer to another state. At times it was exciting, like moving to Germany and being able to experience the European lifestyle. At other times it was horrible, being the new "shy" girl that had no friends to sit at lunch with. During these times, I would come home and cry myself to sleep, thinking about how my life would be so much better if I just had old friends or a cozy, heartwarming home. Just like all mothers, my mom always noticed when something was wrong and to compensate for this she would take me out for ice cream, or to get a new bathing suit. In the end, things like bathing suits and ice cream would always make me feel better again.

However, one day when I was in the third grade, I came home from school and my mother got orders to be deported to Iraq in the next month. I didn't take her seriously until the last day, thinking how could she possibly leave me and my brother with my dad? It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! At that point though, I didn't even consider the fact that my mom had no other choice. She had to fulfill her oath and her duties in the Military. While I was boarding the plane to my father's house in Arizona, I found a note from my mom in my coloring book. It read, "I love you with all my heart and no matter what, you be the strong and independent girl I know you to be. Love Mommy." When I read it I felt something powerful come into me, as if I could take on anything in the world, no matter how large.

From that day forward, I was proud to be called an "Army Brat." It meant that I no longer had to beat myself up because of my background. I gained confidence and self-respect and as a result, I've helped other "Army Brats" to be proud and to never fear, because we are some of the strongest kids on this planet! I would have never known any of this if it wasn't for my mother. My courageous, beautiful, sacrificing American war hero mother.

hkamboj 2 / 3  
Aug 27, 2011   #2
Here are a few corrections and suggestions! I like your overall message, and I think your unique experience will benefit you.

As a single parent for almost 15 years, my mother has done the mosta miraculous job atof raising my brother and me.

I gained confidence and self-respect, and as a result, I've helped other "Army Brats" learn to be proud and to never fear anything , because we are some of the strongest kids on this planet!

I would have never known any of this if it wasn't for my mother--m y courageous, beautiful, sacrificing American war hero mother.
OP Shaysib 1 / 2  
Aug 29, 2011   #3
Thanks for replying!!
OP Shaysib 1 / 2  
Sep 15, 2011   #4
Any more comments will be appreciated!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Oct 11, 2011   #5
raising my brother and me.

God correction here! At the beginning of a sentence (as the subject of the sentence) it is good to say "My brother and I" but at the end of the sentence (as the "object" of the sentence) it should have "me."

Ha, I like this sentence: In the end, things like bathing suits and ice cream would always make me feel better again.

You can use " " marks or italics here:
I didn't take her seriously until the last day, thinking, How could she possibly leave me and my brother with my dad?

She had to fulfill her oath and her duties in the Military military.

... be called an "army brat." no need to capitalize.

...helped other "army brats" to be proud and to never fear, because we are some of the strongest kids on this planet!---I think you're probably right. This essay is very cool, congratulations on being a great writer.


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