This prompt is taken from ApplyTexas.org
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
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I believe Americans, from early on in their childhood years, are shaped and molded to believe that their country is the best to have ever existed in human history as they are bombarded with biased stories and details describing America's superiority and greatness.
As a four year old incredulous Japanese-Korean immigrant, I fell victim to such mindset, and for some time, I am ashamed to say, I felt superior to those whose tongues were not accustomed to the English Language. I felt great to have the ability to speak the language of the best country in the world.
My dad, fearing my complete Americanization and my loss of heritage, sent me to Korea to learn the language of my ancestors. I attended a Korean middle school for five months where I made lifelong relationships with my fellow Koreans.
Upon my return, I noticed how much easier it was for me to understand and communicate with my father. I felt more connected to him and my perception of him changed immensely. Through communicating with him, I was able to see past the "angry Asian man" image that was commonly associated with my father, and see his great wisdom attained from his amazing life experiences, his infallible humor, and his considerable love for his family.
From then on, my respect for him burgeoned and I began to embrace my once ignored lineage. Through my father, I purged my patronizing attitude toward other immigrants and made effort to get to know their character, life stories, and culture. My father's influence on me allowed me to have a better understanding of other peoples' ways of life and as a result, my social circle now consists of a diverse group of individuals from all regions of the world. I am now more accepting and respectful of others' cultures and I try to examine issues from their perspective before coming up with my own judgments and conclusions. Quintessentially, my father's influence truly made me a better person.
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After rereading this, I realized that my introduction makes me sound anti-American, which was not my intention at all. Could that potentially offend my reader?
Thank you so much!
This website is awesome.
I think that you have a very good topic. Writing about a different culture is a very engaging topic and can tell a lot about you as a person. I also think the thought pattern present in this essay is very easy to understand and logical.
Where this essay falls short, as you acknowledged, is in the grammar and vocab choice. Rather than going through line by line and fixing every little detail, i think the best thing you could do is sit with your english teacher during lunch one day and just go through line by line and fix any awkward sentences or words.
Also, i find it helpful while writing to try and SHOW the reader rather than TELL them. if you write with that mindset, it encourages you to use vivid language and varied sentence structure. I hope this helped
