No question was specified, but we were given a space to write more about ourselves on the application. Let me know if this sounds concise and acceptable for a state university that is not very competitive. Thanks!
At two o'clock PM I walked into Family of Christ Learning Center, eager to start my first day as the afternoon teacher for the three-year-olds. My enthusiasm began to wane when I realized the loud, piercing cries I heard in the hallway were not coming from the infant room, but from my own classroom. The morning teacher, Miss Jennylynn smiled at me. "Paul just moved here from Korea," she said, "He doesn't speak a word of English, and hasn't stopped crying all day. Good luck." For two weeks he continued to cry, despite our best efforts to make him feel comfortable through songs, smiles, hugs, and stories. It wasn't until I placed a large Crayola marker into his hand and gave him a sheet of white paper that his tears stopped. Briefly he looked up at me before diving into his drawing. Paul was not the only student interested in art - I quickly noticed that all my three-year-old students displayed an enormous passion for creating art. With purpose, they grasped markers and moved them across paper, not inhibited by their limited dexterity. More importantly I noticed that while most of their vocabularies did not include more than 500 words, their ability to express themselves through art was immeasurable. Language was no longer a barrier, even for Paul.
I have been no stranger to the arts in my own life. Whether I was performing a role in the school musical, or drawing a self-portrait, art has transformed my life and enabled me to be an innovative, cooperative, and dynamic human being. Teaching illuminated me to the truth that creativity is innate - we are born with a hunger to express ourselves. It is only as we grow older that we begin to judge, doubt, and criticize our work. Art becomes more about the product than the process.
An observer might have thought Paul and the other students were playing with markers and paint, but they were also learning how to think abstractly, solve problems, and collaborate. Similarly, the arts can be used as a tool to reinforce concepts learned in other subjects such as Mathematics, English, and History. That is why I feel so motivated to study studio art and art education at Oakland University. This line of study will not only give me skills to use in my own artwork, but also prepare me to educate children. With my education at Oakland I hope to explore the benefits of art education while developing my own artistic voice. With my degree, I hope to impact the lives of children like Paul for the rest of my life.
Body 1: explains well a small but interesting experience
Body 2: explains nicely about what you love and your personality. However, maybe a little more information about your artistic experiences would be helpful to get a better picture of you and your talents.
Body 3: explains why you want to attend the university ending with an excellent conclusion.
Overall well thought out essay. However, there are some small grammar mistakes which I will let the moderators handle.
Good Luck!
Thanks! I'm not that great with words/grammar (hence going into visual art hehe) so I'm sure there are many corrections I can do. Can't wait to see them.
Honestly, my experience with the arts is so vast it's difficult to give a brief overview. (I have studied and excelled at dance, visual arts, violin, piano, and vocal performance, acting, photography, and design. If I highlight all of these, it might look like I don't take visual arts seriously enough to study it, but I also feel that my experiences in all the arts contribute to my ability to be creative in the visual arts. It seems like I'd need to write a whole other essay to explain it! Thanks for the advice, I will certainly try again.
Can anyone from this website critique this please?
The morning teacher, Miss Jennylynn, smiled at me.
You can actually just leave her name out; the more unnecessary stuff you include, the weaker the essay:
The morning teacher, Miss Jennylynn, smiled at me."Paul just moved here from Korea," she said, "He doesn't speak a word of English, and
Paul was not the only student interested in art - I quickly noticed that all my three-year-old students displayed an enormous passion for creating art.
More importantly, I noticed that while most of their vocabularies did not include more than 500 words, their ability to express themselves through art was immeasurable.
Empowered by my education at Oakland, I hope to explore the benefits of art education while developing my own artistic voice.
Can you tell some specific advantages of going to this school instead of another school? What qualities make this school perfect for you, and what specific things do you want to accomplish with the specific resources they provide? Right now, you assert that Oakland is right for you, but you do not tell why.
:)
"An observer might have thought Paul and the other students were playing with markers and paint, but they were also learning how to think abstractly, solve problems, and collaborate. Similarly, the arts can be used as a tool to reinforce concepts learned in other subjects such as Mathematics, English, and History." You might want to give a couple of specific examples from your class that illustrate these points.
Thanks, that's a fantastic idea!
