hi i am apply for fashion design and i need some one to edit my personal statement. the question is "why do you wish to study in fashion design and what influenced your decision to apply to the program?"
I go to art gallery. I see many art pieces. People were discussing about what they see and talk about the sentiment of whole piece. However I looked at the outfits of people in the art piece because it shows the history of fashion, shows the World who they are and who they would like to be. Fashion is the most powerful art there is and now fashion became a big part of my life. Everything started since I entered a sewing class in grade eight. It was a class of two months of high school experiences in my elementary. Consequently the two months of class changed my dream. It was destined to attend that class. Every time I went to the class I felt an excitement. I sensed the difference from other regular classes. When I rolled the sewing machine, I could not help myself more concentrating on the fabrics that was transferring into a beautiful garment. Initially I thought it was only class that I enjoyed most. However, when the class was over, I wanted to go back. I couldn't stop thinking about that class. Only two months class gave me aftereffects. When I see clothes I kept thinking how these clothes are made and how these sleeves and collars are attached to other fabrics. Therefore I bought a sewing machine to solve my curiosity. That is how fashion came to my life. I loved watching documentary about fashion but especially that shows fashion designer's life of fashion. Not just one person, I watched many different designers because I want to see what is life in fashion. Every one of them tells a unique story and enriches one's aesthetic experience. One of the video was a documentary of Marc Jacob in YouTube. In the video, I could feel his pain of the creation before the fashion show and his frustration after the fashion show. All his designer teams couldn't sleep well in a week because they had to finish their collections. However, they are doing this because they love it. I wanted to feel those happiness, passion with people like them already.
However I figured a dream is just a dream if I do not do anything about them. They have to become a goal. Just dreaming of being a next Coco Chanel or Alexander Macqueen will be just a passing fancy if I don't take step and learn skills in fashion school. I do not want to be a mere fashion admirer. Fixing my parent's clothes, sewing pillowcases, pajamas pants or clutches are not enough. I want to live in fashion and be a part of it. Unfortunately, there is no class in my current high school that would offer even a similar field of fashion. I have no doubt that studying in the program of fashion design at the XXX University will provide me with profound knowledge of high-level fashion design. That is why I want to apply in the fashion Design at the university of XXX. Not just inside of my room, I am eager to learn more of how to sew beautiful garments in the field where professors and fashion students are around. I want to discuss and share much information that I have and that I need with professors and talk to as many relevant people as possible. Also I really love to interact with members of the public sharing the creativity that can be inspiring each other and overcoming challenges. I believe the fashion school would improve the future of my life. Firstly, school provides numerous opportunities such as international exchange, my own apparel collection at the senior. Holding a fashion show is every designer's dream. It could be the only chance to show my uniqueness and my creativity to people and to the World. Also I love to move around the countries to get inspire for my design. Secondly, my goal is to work in the designer team at a brand that would reveal my creative potential. However sometime the life doesn't go as you wish and there are many different jobs in fashion that attracts me. I believe enrolling in the fashion school will ultimately lead to professional career in all industries related to fashion. Thirdly, because fashion is not in my blood and I've never showed my designs to other people, I want to identify my talent and my ability. I want to find my own colors in my design through trying variety of challenges.
I go to an art gallery. I see many art pieces. People were are discussing about what they see and talk talking about the sentiment of whole piece. --- I changed it so the grammar is correct and it is all in the present verb tense. I like the way the style of this essay will be if you tell the story in the present tense, as though you are remembering it and telling it like it is happening right now.
...became a big part of my life. --- I think you should add a sentence right after this one and make it the 'thesis statement' so that it expresses the main idea/message of the whole essay. What is the main message you want the reader to remember?
Unfortunately, there is no class in my current high school that would offer even a similar field of fashion.--- I like the way you wrote this sentence. I think it is one of the most important sentences in the essay, because it shows the reader that this program to which you are applying will create a new opportunity for you and empower you to carry out your plan. : )
At the end of the essay, in the last paragraph you can again discuss the main idea/message from the thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph.
