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How Art Ins of California-Orange County helps me attain my career goals; COMMON APP

Daisy95 1 / -  
Jun 22, 2013   #1
Can someone please read and correct any errors? I would greatly appreciate it so much! Criticize it as hard as you can! Haha.
I literally left out all punctuation D:

Essay question: "How do you expect your education at the Art Institute of California-Orange County to help you attain your career goals?"

By attending The Art Institute of California-Orange County I hope to gain valuable knowledge and guidance from faculty who have years of experience under them, have access to new and updated technology, receive hands on experience that will prepare me for the work field, learn a variety of skills required to perform the correct tasks once I graduate, and have all the valuable resources I would not be able to receive anywhere besides The Art Institute. My education with the Art Institute of California-Orange County is crucial to my success in the future because it will be my foundation and major stepping stone to achieve my career goals.

For me, being an Interior Designer is not just about designing a home, classroom, or building to make it look pretty, I want to be someone who can design a space that people feel safe, comfortable and can use as needed. Therefore, my career goal is simple; I hope to become an Interior Designer who is capable of creating and enhancing the safety and function of interior spaces while taking in account how lighting, furniture, textures, and colors work together to create the ideal space for my future clients.

Since I was a young child I've always been the first to volunteer when it came to decorating a space for any type of event whether it was for a school dance or helping family set up a party and I recall the joy and excitement I felt when people complimented my hard work and efforts. As I grew older I would drive my parents insane with my sudden urge to rearrange furniture around the house in hopes to make the space seem more appealing and functional for daily living, however, they thought of it as a temporary hobby so they encouraged me to focus instead on normal subjects such as business and medicine but I never had any real interest in those subjects. And little did they know that, by doing these minor rearrangements, my hobby for Interior Design would blossom into the passion I have today.

I have always been an organized individual who knows how to communicate and collaborates well with others as well as enjoys working under pressure to complete projects before deadlines. I find this to be to my advantage when it comes to being prepared for the challenging curriculum that lies ahead at The Art Institute. I know that with time and effort on my part and the education provided to me, I will achieve great things.
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 22, 2013   #2
Punctuation is easy to fix. Organization is a little more complex.

There isn't anything terribly wrong with this except that you take too long getting to what really matters: the essay prompt.
pacers7ind 11 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2013   #3
Instad of just saying things that happened in your life, state the significance. For example, you could say " my curiosity and thirst for design kept propelling me to...

You can say that you want to create atmosphere and environments that enrich an experience fo the people using it

You should go beyond saying what you could do but you should say why you could do it. You are desire by a desire of beauty?

Also state how you will give back to the community and the world
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 22, 2013   #4
MUCH better.

It's Saturday here and I have some family stuff to do. However, I will revisit this in a couple hours. There are a few other issues that need attention.

Don't do anything with the punctuation yet.

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