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"Art: Silent Poetry" - (personal quality, talent) - UC Personal Statement

yoromori 3 / 10  
Nov 2, 2010   #1
Prompt 2
All applicants: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

In their old age, my grandparents can still recall the days when they would watch over me whilst my parents were away at work. There were never any kids my age in my neighborhood, so I would always seek ways in which I could entertain myself. On rainy days, my grandfather would sit down with me and we would draw pictures together of people in the family. And on days when the sun shone, he would spend time on his garden, whilst I wandered around on my purple rollerblades and a piece of chalk in my hand, ready to create my own little masterpiece on the sidewalk until the day that the rain would come again and wash it away. Starting from an early age, I have always had a passion for art, a talent in which later on, taught me more than just the proper techniques on how to hold a pencil or paintbrush.

I took my first official art class at the beginning of freshman year. I recall shyly walking through a brick alleyway laced with ivy, my footsteps echoing as I clutched onto my newly bought sketchpad and art pencils. A gold sign hung from the top that read "Art Academia." At first slightly intimidated, my perspective completely changed upon opening that ivory door. The room itself had its own brilliance to it: the sun shone through the windows, illuminating the dazzling works of art that hung on the walls, stood on the shelves, and on the easels of the other students, who just like me, took interest in the fascinating world of self-expression. Since my first day there, every Friday at four thirty became the highlight of my week. I could continue on for the whole two-hour class period drawing, painting, even as the teacher called for our fifteen minute break. I liked the idea of recreating plain, everyday objects, and turning them into works of art.

After a few months however, due to my family's financial issues, my parents were forced to withdraw me from the class. Though my stay there may have been short-lived, I didn't let that discourage me. And though I may no longer have had that special working desk, easel, and that same unique, magical environment, I still never put my pencil down. For me, art is not just two dimensional; it transforms, inspires, and speaks.

From then on, I realized something. Art is not just about the finished product, but about the endurance of getting there, to that last stroke of the paintbrush. Every masterpiece starts with an idea or a dream, and from there, it manifests itself into a goal, in which to get there requires endless streams of passion and dedication. In my younger years, I would stare upon the works in a museum in disbelief that such great artists can spend lifetimes on their works of art. Nowadays, I look upon these great works of art with appreciation and realize the infinite possibilities that life presents us with, in which there is no time for either hesitation or fear.

shloop 1 / 2  
Nov 2, 2010   #2
This is a very solid and well written piece. The only bit that could use some work is the last paragraph. First just grammatically:

"Though I didn't have my own special working desk, easel, and that same special and unique environment, I never put my pencil down."

First, you can remove the "my own" it's informal, redundant, and unclear, do you now share a working desk, easel, etc with someone? In addition you repeat special just within this one sentence, replace one. Also it is a bit vague as to what statement you're making in this sentence. Are you saying that after withdrawing from the class you realize that even though you no longer have the benefits of that space, your passion for art is still alive? If so, I would phrase it in this way:

"Though I no longer have a special working desk, easel, and that same unique, magical environment, I still never put my pencil down."

Your very last sentence is a bit awkward in phrasing and I feel as though it does not do an effective job at summarizing the main point of your statement. Was your piece focused on the fact that art is a part of your childhood? You should leave the AO with an understanding of what this says about you as a person right now, how this will help you contribute to their school, and how you've grown through this passion. Also I think you're using semicolons incorrectly and definitely unnecessarily. I'd consider changing the phrasing.

Some other things to add:

"no matter where THIS road MAY lead me, ART will..."

Remove the last "will" in the last sentence, you've already established the tense and it is assumed that it applies to the second part of the sentence as well.

"For me, art IS not just two dimensional..."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 12, 2010   #3
Use a hyphen:

What is going on here:
For me, art not just two dimensional...-------missing the word "is"??

Well, you did not write about anything that is spectacularly interesting, but you have such a nice writing style that it kept my attention anyway! If you used this great writing style to write about something more interesting than drawing as a kid. You can use this essay to transmit a concept that you personified as that little artist you were as a kid. What is your concept?
OP yoromori 3 / 10  
Nov 23, 2010   #4
Thanks for your feedback! I think I understood what you meant by connecting it to a concept and so I revised and added a little bit to it.
imclovis404 4 / 8  
Nov 28, 2010   #5
I am not native English speaker, so I can only provide some suggestions about your content.

I think your article is beautiful, and it seems your article follows this peotic sytle from the start to the end. And your theme - I think you are talking about your enthusiasm and persistence - is also great. But if possible, make the introductory paragraph more attractive - the body of your essay is attractive but the introductory part sounds a little bit flat. Maybe you can try to make it as peotic as the body part. Good luck!o(≧v≦)o

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