Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I hung at the edge of my seat in silence as I learned of the drudging and dehumanizing sixty-one mile march my grandfather endured in the Bataan Death March. Looking upon him with a great sense of appreciation, I learned of his local political endeavors in his hometown in the Philippines, his multiple occupations as a surveyor, tailor, and carpenter, and the heartbreak that lead him to new love. On the other side of my family tree several aged photos of my grandparents when they first came to America accompany the story of their one month journey across the Pacific to America, arriving with nothing but the clothes on their backs. I'd always stay at the dinner table after all the food has gone, just so that I may hear the stories again or hear new ones. Since childhood, my family has exposed me to the wondrously enlightening art of storytelling, creating an energy in which has since sparked my imagination and curiosity to new levels of possibility.
From then on I became inspired by the art of literature, an art in which has the power of binding all those ups and downs of life within the pages of a book. Taken aback by the vivid imagery, impeccable diction, and the unique writing styles of greats, such as my personal favorite, Mark Twain, I found myself in new worlds. But it wasn't enough for me to read and hear about someone else's world. I desired to create my own.
There is a certain richness and beauty associated with language and culture that manifests itself through the language and the art of storytelling and connects us to one another every single day of our lives. It beholds the power to evoke a sense of appreciation towards one's history and culture, to mend a frown or a scowl with a smile, to touch hearts, to get people to remember what is truly important in life, and to take them to new worlds. And so I dream to strengthen my abilities so that I may one day harness that coveted artistic prowess to captivate, inspire, and enlighten young readers, fashion stories of my own and possibly even retell the stories of my family history.
Of course, one of the marks of true storytellers is how they are able to live their own stories. And so in that manner, I dream to embark on my own adventures as well, to create captivating stories worthy of being told and retold in generations to come. Of the many lessons I learned from my family's rich history, is that the journey of life is inevitably filled with obstacles. Whatever obstacles come my way, it's up to me to get back up and venture on. And as I venture off to college in the upcoming year, it is clear that my journey is just beginning.
Positive feedback and constructive criticism appreciated. Do you think I should condense anything or expand on a concept or anything?
Thanks in advance =].
I hung at the edge of my seat in silence as I learned of the drudging and dehumanizing sixty one mile marchsixty-one-mile-march my grandfather endured in the Bataan Death March. Looking upon him with a new-found sense of appreciation, I also learned of his local political endeavors in his hometown of Naguilian Isabela, Philippines,; his multiple occupations as a surveyor, tailor, and carpenter, and the heartbreak that lead him to a new love: my grandmother. On the other side of my family tree, several aged sepia photos of my grandparents when they first came to America accompanying show the story of how they came here to start a new life with almost nothing but the clothes on their backs when they first came to america . I learned of how their enduring one month journey across the Pacific brought them to a lasting friendship with a young couple, in which later on brought my own parents togethersorry i dont quite understand this sentence . I learned of my mother's own journey to America, and how her homesickness was cured with the creation of a family of her own.
Hi, Marinel
here are some suggestions of mine. I hope they will help :-D
I can see a lot about your family in your essay, but you didn't show YOU in the essay. This essay is all about how the world shaped you, and you should focus on writing more about how the history of your family become a kind of energy of yours in the way of pursuing your dream.
There is a certain richness and beauty ----To be grammatically correct it would need to say "There are..." but that would not sound right. So, I just cut out "richness and"
At the end of the first paragraph, I am thinking that you are saying you want a career in storytelling perhaps journalism or writing fiction. But at the end of the essay I see that you are saying you want to live in a way that will make great stories. That is a good idea! But I think you should spend a paragraph telling the story of what you are going to do in the next 2 years or 4 years to embark upon a great process. To do what you intend to do, you need a great action plan.
:-)
