I'm an ESL student and applying for UCLA's Art and Designs. This is really urgent. I'll needa express mail the statement with my portfolio on Monday. So anyone please give me some suggestions, critiques, and pick out the errors if you can! Thank you so much!!
Write a statement that describes:
1. Your wish to study Design / Media Arts at UCLA,
2. What you expect from our program,
3. What you hope to contribute,
4. And your professional goals
Since I was young, my parents noticed my creativity and great interest in art. Gradually I have developed an extensive interest in this discipline. Even though I lived in a society that does not value art much, and art is considered as a very minor subject in my mother school, art classes have always been my favorite, and I enjoyed creating art very much. As I grew up, I dreamed about being an artist all the times when I thought about what to do for my life. However, there is not much opportunity for local artists in my home city, Macao; many of them either are amateurs or are struggling for their livings. Being an artist back home seems to be no more than an impractical dream.
Three years ago my parents decided to send me abroad to the States to study at any cost. At first, I thought they would be like other parents, wanting me to have a bright future such as being a doctor or a lawyer. However, they have been very supportive to let me choose my own path. I also realized this is the only chance in my life to study in the America, where diverse and abundant art is happening. I told myself this is the place where my passion lays, and I am going to make my parents' decision worthy by choosing art. Therefore, I deeply feel appreciative of my parents and decided to put myself into art, and I promised myself that I will not disappoint them.
Meanwhile, I am also aiming at a scholarship offered by the Macao Government, of which one condition is attending any one of the worldwide top universities recognized by the government. I was also very excited to see UCLA on the list because of your reputable and excellent art and design school and its program. I believe that studying art in UCLA will help and prepare me to be a successful designer in this modern age.
In general, I appreciate all kinds of arts, but I have a special interest in designing modern art. I also believe that art and design play important roles in the society nowadays. In addition, as I talked to the representatives and alumni of UCLA and read about the commentaries about your school, I found that the design program is very much what it takes to influence the society with art in a lot of positive ways. First, it appears to encourage students to develop strong research abilities and guide students with their creativities. I look forward to this program because good researching not only allows me to do a better job in this discipline, it also helps me meet people's needs and make better designs in the real world. I also found your program very interesting because it helps students learn how to interact with or impact on the society with art and designs. For example, a well-designed green poster or product can effectively inspire or encourage people to take part in protecting our environment. With these expectations, I am excited to attend UCLA's art school and to become a better designer who can help to make a better society.
I view my undergraduate education as a very important stage of my life because it prepares me to be a designer and artist before I actually work in the real world. Nevertheless, I also realize that it is only the first step of my career that settles me in this field. Therefore, I plan to work for a few years after I graduate from college to explore further which specific path I should pursue in the field. Then I would like to go for an art and design graduate program to sharpen my skills and have a better chance to take part in decision-making, which enables me to influence the society even more efficiently. By doing so, I will feel myself building a constructive and meaningful life not only for myself and also a better life for my parents and my future family and the society where I work.
"I dreamed about being an artist all the times time"
"many of them either are amateurs or are struggling for their livings to make a living"
"become a better designer who can help to make a better improve society."
Just some minor grammatical stuff I caught. I think its cool you live in Macau and want to go to UCLA. I used to live in HK and wondered whether all people that lived in Macau ended up going to like Macau University or HKU, etc. I'm guessing it's pretty rare that someone goes further than HK/China so good luck!
I also realized this is the only chance in my life to study in the America, where diverse and abundant art is being created .
This sentence is not useful:
I also believe that art and design play important roles in the society nowadays.
By doing so, I will be building a constructive and meaningful life not only for myself but also for my parents, my future family, and my society.
It is looking pretty good! Good luck!!
A few more suggestions:
I also realized this is the only chance in my life to study in the America, where diverse and abundant art is being created.
"In general, I appreciate all kinds of arts, but I have a special interest in designing modern art." You don't actually get a choice in this -- by definition any art you create is going to be modern art. Do you mean that you want to create art modeled after Modernist (with a capital M) artists? If so, you should say so. Otherwise, you might want to explain which type of art you are into instead (painting, sculpture, etc.)
"I also found your program very interesting because it helps students learn how to interact with or impact on the society with art and designs." This sentence is awkward. Better is "I also found your program very interesting because it helps students learn how to influence society through art and design.
