I've been working on this essay for a while and I have reached the 500 words limit..
I need a little help on downsizing my essay or at least change it up or something..
My essay is about 515 words or so by the way..
please and thank you..
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
These Latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" define moral strength, beauty of the art, and strength of character. These empowering words are what this university exemplifies. By actively participating and internalizing strong moral character, one would be able to express what this university represents. I feel that I hone those characteristics and that's why I would make an excellent candidate for this university.
"Vires" directly refers to the physical, emotional, and intellectual strengths which are all essential to my life. I believe that emotional strength is most important in an individual because to be able to make decisions without letting our emotions get in the way make for a strong level headed individual. When I was fourteen my parents had gotten a divorce and this had left me devastated. From that moment, every choice that I had to make required an immense amount of emotional and mental strength. I had to make a decision that teenagers my age should never go through, and that was to choose who I was going to live with for the next few years in my life. I had to abandon one of my parents and this was not easy for me.
I felt betrayed by both my parents and yet I still had to choose. I loved them both but in the end, I chose to live with my mother who was currently living away from me. Regardless of all these adverse experiences in my life, I kept an open mind and showed mental and emotional strength, because not only did I experience my parent's divorce, I had also endured the transition of having to move away from everything I felt I considered important in my life; my family and friends. Overall the values of which this Latin word "vires" represent has been reflected in my life now because I can use my past experiences to learn from and help many others that my meet along the way.
Every day we express ourselves by the many talents we have through the beauties and wonders of art. As some people say, beauty is within the eye of the beholder. Beauty comes in many shapes, sizes and forms. We all possess it and I am fortunate enough to have a balanced and structured life. Through experience I have learned many values and talents that I can share with the world. Art is a form of entertainment that I am proud to have such a talent to show off to the world. Being part of my high school choir helped relieve my stress when it came to the divorce. I was able to give joy to others by my singing and gave me joy. Artes is reflected and is a great value in my life.
So that is how I think that Vires and Artes are expressed and shown inside my life, and I would like nothing more than to share it with all the other students in this wonderful university and the people I encounter.
These guiding philosophies,that which this great university stands by, I believe are embodied and reflected in my life. that made me be the great person I know I am. I think the "show, don't tell" rule should be applied here.
These words relate to us because as human beings, the values these words signify are what we live by and guide our life off of.This is about YOUR life!
All are essential in our everyday lives .
.. because the choices we make every day are made with our emotions...
No one could ever be right than that statement. This sentence is unclear. You could either fix it or leave it out, it's up to you. I don't think it will hurt your essay though, if you leave it out.
God gave me many talents that now I can share with the world to .
signify moral strength, beauty of the art, and strength of character. ---- this explanation is a little diferent than the explanation they give you as part of the prompt. I don't think it's good to start your essay by misconstruing their explanation. For example, Vires refers to all kinds of strength, not just moral strength or strength of character.
I think you should not give that explanation at the start. They already know what the words mean.
I believe over the years I have exemplified one or more of these philosophies that would make me an excellent student at Florida State University.------ when you say this, it is rather simple, and it is an example of telling someone something you want them to know instead of SHOWING them. Therefore, I suggest you rewrite the intro paragraph to express a theme that you feel good about. Attack this essay prompt by expressing a theme for the description of your personal style explained with reference to these words. What is the unique theme you will introduce in your first paragraph?
:-)
Hmm, I understand. I revised my essay again, please let me know if it is getting to where it needs to go.
I had italic' a part in my essay that I am currently in debate about and I would like some assurance that the ending is good enough. thank you once again.
I feel that I hone those characteristics and that's why I would make an excellent candidate for this university.--- too simplistic, wrong use of hone, "feel that" is a phrase that lacks confidence.
End that first paragraph with a sentence that expresses a creative theme for this philosophical essay. Ask yourself what the main idea of the essay is, and express it here at the end of para #1.
Every day we express ourselves by using our many talents we have to create beauty and wonder with art. As some people say, beauty is within the eye of the beholder. Beauty comes in many shapes, sizes and forms. We all possess it and I am fortunate enough to have a balanced and structured life.
This essay is not supposed to 3 essays, one about each word. They say to write about "one or more" so that means you are supposed to express your serious plan for college and career, and also your life/learning experiences from recent years, while USING these three words as part of your explanation. Explain yourself in terms of one or more of these three.
Give your essay a theme, a sort of attitude or motto that you mention at the beginning and end, and let this make the essay memorable.
:-)
I've thought about a theme and I hope that I had embodied it right within my essay.
here is where I made the change in the first paragraph. Instead of re-introducing what the prompt is simply asking of me, I had just went straight to the point and introduced my theme.
Throughout my life I have realized what many of us figures out in the end of many trials and struggles. We have to sacrifice to create the perfect life we deserve. Over the years mankind has simply implied that in order for us to reach greatness, we must strive to be the best with having to sacrifice a portion of necessities in our life. I believe that the moral strength "Vires" portrays alongside with the ideas of having to sacrifice now thus for later the hard work pays off in the end with the reward in hand. "Vires" directly refers to the physical, emotional, and intellectual strengths which are all essential to my life that is balanced through situations and experiences. I believe that emotional strength is most important in an individual because to be able to make decisions without letting our emotions get in the way make for a strong level headed individual.
When I was fourteen my parents had gotten a divorce and this had left me devastated. From that moment, every choice that I had to make required an immense amount of emotional and mental strength. I had to make a decision that teenagers my age should never go through. These were sacrifices I had made in order for me to grow and build up my plans to college for the career I want to accomplish.
Throughout my life I have realized what m Many of us figure this out only after many trials and struggles: We have to sacrifice to create the perfect life we deserve. Over the years humankind has demonstrated that ...
I think it's impressive! I don't think you should refer to "moral" strength, though, because the reader might think you have vires confused with mores.
:-)
yikes. I understand some of the changes, but unfortunately I cant change it anymore. I sent my essay in and i hope I didnt took a risk by doing so.
Well thank you for all your help, I really learned a lot.
No, this correction I just made is not a major one, just an idea. Be confident!
