Hey Alexis, I think there are a few mistakes which need serious reworking.
1) Frankly, I don't get to know you as a person. The admission office also looks for that. They do not want just a laundry list of your achievements but would like more of you.
2)
and I were all uneasy of our very first trial.
I WAS not were.
3)
I have spoken at numerous Barr Association meeting in our local city, I have spoken twice at the Board of Education meetings in our county, I have spoken at the Chamber of Commerce meetings, I have spoken at The Polk County Business Leaders Board and at Education Summits.
We need to write more than speaking. See, I can understand that you want to say, what all you have done. But you need to personalize it more. Its not enough to just say this and also English is not good. I HAVE SPOKEN TO.... 4 TIMES you have mentioned same thing.
4)You need to illustrate the first sentence.
5) Your main idea, the public speaking doesn't come till more than half way.
Finally, I think if you could mention more about the experience and you.... any one place where you spoke which close to your heart and let the "writing" speak.
Hope this helps... :)