Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


BU essay - Artistic, receptive, and inspired


MGZolyn 2 / 5  
Dec 5, 2009   #1
Hello :)
This is my essay for Boston University. Does my response fit the prompt? Any suggestions or mistakes? Different wording ideas? Please let me know!
Thanks a bunch :)

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

A history of performances I have been in and songs I have written can display my three main characteristics. Each play I am in contains the artistic distinctions I value, and each song I write is inspired by either another piece of music or something I have learned if life. I intend to continue these aspects through college at Boston University. There I can express my personality and absorb all it has to offer. To Boston University I will bring my artistic, receptive, and inspired qualities.

Ever since I can remember, art has interested me. To create an image teeming with emotion simply by a pencil and paper is incredible. Whether I am painting a picture or assembling earrings, I spend much of my time constructing new works of art. My artistic personality will be used to its fullest through the College of Fine Arts. Performing is my favorite art form because of the confidence it takes. I love perfecting every detail in my performance so I can be ready for the opening show. Boston University will allow me to express my artistic abilities in their various musicals, plays, and professional productions.

Because of my enthusiasm for new ideas and insights, I would describe myself as receptive. I am excited to work with fellow students in either the School of Theatre or the Department of Film & Television and gain new ways of performing or editing. To be with others who have the same passions as I do will be beneficial while at Boston University. With a large student body, there are many opportunities for me to learn from classmates and discover interpretations I would have never considered. New ideas and creations will assist the Boston University theatre and video programs.

My life is driven with inspiration. For example, I learned to juggle after being inspired by a juggler on television. Works of art or pieces of music also have impelled me to create my own art and songs. I use inspiration for my projects in high school, and I will continue to do at Boston University. Whatever I decide to pursue in college will be artful, whether it is producing videos or performing on stage. Boston University will provide the inspiration needed for me to achieve my highly set goals.

Artistic, receptive, and inspired are three words I have found to describe myself. In some circumstances I am all three words at once. Juggling and its artistic style emphasized my desire to learn, and the way I perform on stage is inspired by different inspirations. At Boston University I can apply these qualities. I will accumulate knowledge and skills from my receptive personality. The artistic feature will be demonstrated through theatre and various projects. My work and creations will all develop through inspiration. Overall, I feel my characteristics will execute well at Boston University.
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 5, 2009   #2
My artistic personality will be used to its fullest potential at Boston University. One way would be through theatre

my artistic personality will be used to its fullest through the Boston Theater program (put the actual name of the program or major).
avoid generic statements.

Boston University will allow me to express my artistic abilities

how? as far as i'm concerned, every colleges have theater programs

Because of my enthusiasm for learning,

it's too... cheeky. it sounds too much like you trying to get in college. enthusiasm for learning... it's not bad, but makes you sound a bit pretentious. It's obvious that everyone can say that they are enthusiastic for learning, but only a few actually do. So i'd suggest be more specific. What kind of learning? about the world? in school? languages? cultures? math? what?

Because of my enthusiasm for learning, I would describe myself as receptive. My openness towards new ideas and insights has led me to learn much about the world and its details. I am excited about what knowledge can do, and therefore I try to gain as much information as I can. The receptive manner in which I have will take me far at Boston University. College is meant for learning, and I intend to acquire all the knowledge needed for my future whether it is for my career or for my life-long skills.

this entire paragraph tells nothing about you or BU. honestly, I can duplicate your paragraph and put it in any of my essay. kills the momentum you built so far by mentioning theater, which is actually not an interest that everybody have.

My life is driven by inspiration. For example, I am a juggler; I was inspired to learn after watching a juggling competition on television. Since then juggling has become my passion. Works

you spent 3 sentences to say: One day, I watched TV, and was inspired to be a juggler (this sentnce is not to be used, but you get the idea. be BRIEF!)

ok. typical "i write an essay that shows my strength (vaguely) to make my go in BU, but I didn't actually do any research and don't know anything about BU" type essay.

not to be mean, but you showed 0 reason why BU is the right school for you. If all you know about the school is shown in your essay. I suggest you finding a school you are actually passionate about.

TALK SPECIFICALLY. both in your description of yourself and of the college. what makes you receptive, artistic (that paragraph actually gets the point), and inspiration (really? do you even know what that means?)

you need to be more personal and actually do some thinking and research to answer the prompt.
OP MGZolyn 2 / 5  
Dec 7, 2009   #3
whew! thank you so much for the criticism :) i took in what you suggested and re-typed most of it. my biggest problem is the fourth paragraph... any help?

please tell me what you think of my edited essay:

READ ABOVE
yang 2 / 313  
Dec 7, 2009   #4
Works of art or pieces of music also have impelled me to create my own art and songs.

see how much your inspiration sound like openness and receptivity?

perhaps define what inspiration is for you? not simply the fact that you are inspired by all these things, but actually STATING what is inspiration. Often, inspiration comes from mundane things, like waking up, I heard birds. This seems trivial, but authors DO actually get inspired by those things. It's like seeing something, and suddenly BANG! new idea. It's a spontaneous process rather than seeing many things and deriving them for your own benefit (that would be more down the receptive line)

also, the last paragraph is still not definitive enough. you really don't need to restate your previous points. In a college essay you won't have enough words. You need to jump to the prompt: HOW WILL YOU USE THESE TO CONTRIBUTE?

so start with: my blabla will allow me to do thisthis to the BU, and my blabla will let me participate to thisthis program (be SPECIFIC)

again, you need to be more specific and avoid sentences like

At Boston University I can apply these qualities

the admin knows you can, but is asking you to prove it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2009   #5
Trim away the details and see what great experience you can give the reader:
A history of performances I have been in and songs I have writte n can displays my three main characteristics: [list them here]. Each theatrical performance play I am in contains the (artistic distinctions ???) I value, and each song I write is...

What is up with the artistic distinctions part? Make sure everything you write has real meaning -- no using generalities as space fillers!

I like this next part ----> inspired by either another piece of music or something I have learned if life.

My life is driven by inspiration.

Here are those generalities again:

At Boston University I can apply these qualities. ... Overall, I feel my characteristics will execute well at Boston University.

I suggest reading some powerful literature full of meaning. How about if you read some articles about the work of Carl Dreyer? Much has been written about the meaningfulness of his cinematic art... and it might give you some inspiration and ideas with which to fill this essay with profound, clear statements about your art.


Home / Undergraduate / BU essay - Artistic, receptive, and inspired
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳