Below is my response to question #1 for the Johns Hopkins supplement. I'm still working on my conclusion because of the fact that I don't how to finish it off. Please offer some constructive criticism to any aspect and suggestions on how I should conclude the essay and feel free to tear it to pieces be it for the better. Thanks :)
Q: Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experience influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
A: In the second grade, every student was asked by the teacher to write a description of his or her favorite imaginary superhero, traits exclusive to that superhero, and why that superhero deserves paramount recognition. After a few minutes of writing, each student walked up to the front of the room, read off his or her script, and sat down receiving appraisal from the teacher. When it came time for me to present what I had written, I walked to the front of the class and, with confidence, presented my superhero. It was a doctor with a magical stethoscope that could heal anyone who was sick and made everyone healthy. Although this idea drew upon the naïve and fantasy-like nature of my six year old brain, there did lay some truth in this response- doctors are in fact everyday heroes.
I really like the allusion to your second grade experience, because it shows that you've respected the doctor profession since you were really young. As much as I do like this, I think you should try to emphasize the why do you want to be a doctor part. The part about how doctors save people and are heroes is a bit too general and impersonal. It'd make your essay even stronger if you could elaborate on that part. Good luck! :)
