tell me what you think
im writing more as i go
but this is what i have so far
(the ____ is exact places/names i want to keep it private haha)
City Living of an Asian-American Student
Trying to think of a good essay topic has been very frustrating yet enlightening. I sat in front of my computer for hours, just pondering about my life. What is so distinct about my life? How I am I different? I spent days looking at a blank Microsoft Word Document. I kept on looking for big ideas, but I realized what really matters are the small aspects of my life that have been unnoticed or simply ignored. I have always thought of myself as an average high school student, but, in actuality, no one can ever be under the same circumstances or have the same experiences as me. I now appreciate the distinctiveness of my life. I am an Asian American living in a city that is nicknamed the "Hick town of Seminole County." I play soccer and volleyball at a big football school. I am an honor student whose friends are mostly "meathead jocks." I dress in Ralph Lauren Polos and button down shirts, while camouflage and Guy Harvey fishing shirts swarm the Oviedo High School campus. To top that off, my name is Hyung-jin Kim. According to howmanyofme, it is estimated that there is one or fewer people in the U.S. with my exact name. Of course, it is just an estimation, for I don't think there can be less than one person, unless I am not alive. But something I am absolutely sure of is that I tend to stick out at my school. I am a yellow corn kernel in a big bowl of white flour, literally. My everyday experiences, especially as an Asian American in a primarily Caucasian community, has created a personality and attitude that keeps me open and optimistic.
I was born in Seoul, South Korea. My family immigrated to the U.S. when I was 5. Living in a new country at that age is like moving to a different planet. I didn't know the language, the people looked much different, and I was just plain scared. I can recall many nights when I cried to my mom, begging her to move back home. As a child, I was shy and extremely self-conscious. To exacerbate problems, I was terrorized by jokes about my facial features, which were often followed by chants of ching chong chang. Half the time I did not even understand what they were saying, I just knew it was something bad. I slowly became completely fluent in English and graduated from ESOL in the fourth grade. As I became a fluent speaker, I started opening up to more of my peers. Now as a senior in high school, friends and teachers laugh at the thought of me being shy and not talking. Although the Asian jokes keep coming, I have learned to take them less to heart. Criticism is not a weakness; it is strength. Disparaging comments have no negative effect on myself. I take it and occasionally learn from them. My ethnicity and culture is something I am proud of, not ashamed of. With my ethnicity comes a unique name, at least by American standards. The perplexed expression of a new or substitute teacher trying to call roll always gives me a good laugh. H.. Hu.. Hiyoung jin? I would politely correct them and tell them it is pronounced Hung-jin. My social skills have been given a tremendous boost because of my name. My name has given me multiple opportunities to talk and befriend completely random strangers. Because I am the senior anchor on my school's news, everyone recognizes me: teachers, students and administrators. There is never a day I don't meet a new person. It has transformed my old feeble self, that couldn't speak any English, into an individual that can easily speak to a complete stranger as though he/she is an old friend.
My life is literally a once in a lifetime experience. Every day I have numerous encounters that shape who I am and who I will become. Experiences in everyday life can either be negative or positive; it just depends on one's outlook. I believe that I will go on no matter how bleak the situation may seem. My ability to cope with confrontations will benefit my college experience by keeping me pushing toward achievement even when it seems I will falter. The road is not always paved with gold. There will always be some potholes along the way. Just because there is a little dent in the path, doesn't mean I have to stop. My experiences throughout my life have taught me to keep my foot on the gas even though the road seems to be rough and beaten up. On my road in life, I hope that Cornell University is one of the pit stops along the way to success.Well, the whole "yellow in a white city" concept is pretty interesting, but I felt like the last half of your paragraph is redundant. You don't need to talk about your school activites, ie news anchor or volleyball, NHS, etc, or your academic performance, since all that information should be obvious from the activities section of your common app and your school transcript. Give them something they can't find anywhere else in your app!
You mentioned some things several times, and so parts of this are redundant. You also use slang terms for things, which is ok at school, but not, probably, on a college app essay.
Thi is just too breezy, too much lacking in thought and sincerity, like you just think of yourself that way and just dashed it off in a couple of minutes.
It doesn't particularly impress me as an essay, and I don't think it will impress any college app committee members either. You haven't told me that you are worth a slot in my school.
Now, redo it, and make me think you;re the next great college student.
