Assembling the puzzle pieces - my FSU admissions essay!

After about 30 minutes, I came up with an introduction of my college application essay. This is a rough draft, so of course it is horrible. Thank you so much for taking time off your busy lives to help me revise my introduction!

This is the prompt:
This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you, and why?

My introduction: When I was young, I was that kid who did not talk. I was taught many things at school, which I brushed off immediately. As I grew up, the puzzle pieces of what I was taught started to assemble. I started asking more questions at school, made exceptions to every idea that was taught to me, and shared that newly found knowledge to other people. My mind started to blossom, realizing that learning is never-ending. I was starving for the logic behind every question, annoying every teacher with undying questions on even the littlest of details. The biggest epiphany that struck me was how all my past knowledge builds on top of each other. 11 years ago when I did not know how to read, write, or solve math problems? Looking back, the improvement is unbelievable.

Another question. I did not directly state "Learning" as my choice in this essay. Should I do that?

- David, you should immediately mention learning in your introductory paragraph because that is the direct answer to the essay prompt. By doing that you will be able to direct the essay in a manner that will show how you value learning in relation to your academic education. In fact, your story as a young child coming to realize that learning is never ending will directly play into the expectations of the admission officer with regards to what he should read in the prompt.

Having read the introductory paragraph and reviewed it, I can safely say that you are on the right track with your essay response. Specially if you make the adjustment I suggested. Now as for how that will affect the rest of the essay as you write it, that is what we will have to wait and see. We hope that you can post the completed draft as soon as possible so that we can further assist you with its development and organization :-)

I agree with vangiespen. I also think that "was taught" is a bit repetitive. Good idea so far though!