..show ended tremendously well than I had expected..
...well,
better than I had expected...
preharps the organizers of the show should not have being too quick the judge the turn out of the show without it being put into action.
perhaps ...should not have
been so quick
to judge....
it sounds better to say "A few months ago," for the opening of the second paragraph
She also said creating an imagination in our minds will enable students write a great speech.
consider rewriting this sentence
in order to impact my knowledge into the lives of younger students and my peers.
...in order to make an impact in the lives of younger students and my peers with my knowledge.
I knew I couldn't keep up with this deception because I knew I was bound to be caught soon.
the second "I knew" is not necessary
these are just a few suggestions
...you might want to look over your essay again. there are mistakes throughout. it really takes away from the overall meaning of your essay.