I just join to this forum, I hope I will get advise from everyone.
This is my final assignment that is about my experience of culture shock. Please tell me my mistake so I can learn more. I appreciate your help. Thanks a lot.
Cultural shock is a psychological reaction that happens to anyone who visit or immigrate to a new country. And I was not an exception when I moved to the US. I tried my best to go through my adjusted period.
Language is the most difficult problem that I have been trying to adjust. I have remembered a day that I arrived in American at Detroit airport. A customs officer asked me many security questions and he took so long to check my luggage and money. I tried my best to answer and explain to him that I only had 30 minutes to transfer to another flight and I hoped he could check my luggage fast so I could board on time. However, he did it so slowly and he seemed to not understand and care about my explanation. After that, I felt so useless and I cried a lot because of missing my flight. I also worried no more flight in this night for me to arrive in Philadelphia. Fortunately, another officer who was so kind and nice helped me exchange the ticket free for the next flight in this night after seeing my tears and sadness. This was the first time, I was aware of language difference was so terrible.
Additionally, communicating by English is also my fear. In the first time talking to my parent-in-law, I was so sad because they could not understand my English. I was so disappointed about myself and I thought I was a dumb person when I had to respond to my family by writing on paper or using my body language. I tried to stay in my room and I only went out in case it was necessary. After several weeks, I realized that my mother-in-law did not understand me because of pronounced difference in English. Therefore, I tried my best to correct my pronunciation by watching American TV Shows, asking my husband how to say new word whenever I see them. And my reward was my family's understanding. I felt so wonderful when Americans understood my English. It was such an interesting experience that I have ever had. After I obtained my confidence back, I tried to communicate with them by talking about difference of our culture, and I also found the locals were interested in my culture. As more we shared information of our countries as more I learned new things about my new place. Then, I felt more comfortable and relaxed because I knew I could solved my drawback easier than before.
Vary of cuisine was a big challenge for myself when I just came to America. My new family loves all kind of cheese that they always add it in their food. I felt American cheese has such a fat taste and terrible smell that I could not eat it even thought I tried some cheese in my county. I lost 4 pounds because I could not eat a lot. My body was so skinny that I knew I had to do something to solve my situation. I searched Asian market near my area and I was so happy that they have a big Asian market where takes 30 minutes from my apartment trades varied of Asian food. Therefore, I can cook Asian food for myself and my new family who have loved Asian food after they try my food.
I was shock not only language, cuisine but also difference of custom and culture between America and Vietnam, but I always remind myself about the reason why I came here to motivate myself to adapt to the new environment. Whenever I overcame a shock, I have more interesting experience that help me be familiar to a new country. Also I recognize I should study about new regions so I will not be shocked when I live or travel there. For me, you should never be shy to ask about the things that you do not know is the fastest way to learn about a new place and the best adjusted approach to your new life.
- I have
rememberedremember the a day that I arrived in AmericanAmerica at Detroit airport.
- Fortunately, another officer who was so kind and nice helped me exchange the ticket for free for the next flight
in thisthat night after seeing my tears and sadness.
- This was the first time, and it made me aware that language barrier can turn really terrible.
I was aware of language difference was so terrible.
AsThe more we shared information of our countries asthe more I learned new things about my new place.
- Then, I felt more comfortable and relaxed because I
knewknow I could solved my drawbackfigure things out easier than before.
Vary of cuisineCuisine variation was a big challenge for myself when I just came to America. My new family loves all kind of cheese that they always add it in their food.
- Rephrasing last paragraph;
It was definitely a culture shock in too many aspects, cuisine, customs, tradition and daily activities between America and Vietnam but I always remind myself that this should not be a struggle but a challenge to motivate myself in adapting to my new environment. Now, whenever I travel I still get amazed with the environment, the people and the culture, this reminds me to go farther, to learn more and gain more experience, not to be shy to approach people, talk and be keen with the environment. I have accepted that wherever I go there will always be barriers and I'm ready to conquer those barriers for a whole new experience.
Vchau, for someone new to writing, your essay is very good. There is always a room for improvement and I want you to take this points to consider.
- word tenses, if an action is ongoing, use the present tense
- word choice, use words that you understand very well so your readers will understand what your talking about and where the idea is leading to.
- essay construction, spacing your paragraph allows your readers to breath and absorb the idea of the essay and go on reading
- proof read, meaning read your essay one more time before submitting it.
Keep writing and the best of luck to you!!!
Thanks a lot Justivy03.
I just do not understand about this correction,
remembered remember the a day that I arrived in American America at Detroit airport.
I use present perfect so after "have" remember should be remembered...Is it true?
I agree with Justivy. Your essay is good for someone new to writing. Even though there are grammatical mistakes, they are not priority when it comes to writing an essay. It is structure of the essay that matters most. Learning how to structure a paper is much easier than learning all of the grammatical formats, and it brings much more clarity to the paper.
When I am talking about structure, I am referring to Introduction, Body and Conclusion. The introduction should present the main idea and vaguely introduce the supporting arguments, or body paragraphs. The body paragraphs will argue or support, in detail, for the main idea in the introduction. Lastly, the conclusion will remind the readers of the main idea and strengthening the supporting evidence.
Now, let's look at your essay.
Introduction: "Cultural shock is a psychological reaction that happens to anyone who visit or immigrate to a new country.
And I was no not an exception. When I moved to the US, I tried my best to go through my adjusted period."
This has a main idea of cultural shock. However, there is no supporting evidence. You have to tell me how or why is there a cultural shock.
Body #1: Topic sentence "Language is the most difficult problem that I have been trying to adjust" is the same as Body #2: "Additionally, communicating by English is also my fear". This is redundant. If you talk about what happened during your travel, then your first sentence, or topic sentence needs to tell us that.
Body #2: Again, to avoid redundancy, you need to have a topic sentence referring to your engagement with your family members, and not about English is your fear. We already know English is your fear, or you are not good at at it.
Body #3: This is good. Just remember to mention it in your introduction as support to your main idea of cultural shock.
Conclusion: Where is the term "cultural shock"? Even though you stated your supporting points, strengthen it. Take this sentence out, "Also I recognize I should study about new regions so I will not be shocked when I live or travel there." It has no relation to your essay.
Hope that helps!
have remembered remember the a day that I arrived in America at Detroit airport.