Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (in under 650 words)
The assignment was to make a family tree, and there were two boxes above my name- mom and dad. I looked at it, and I was confused. My family did not fit into this close minded box. When the teacher asked us to turn in the assignment, I discreetly handed mine in blank with a flushed face. I didn't want to pick which of my moms would not be included in this family tree and I definitely did not want to be pointed out in class for not following instructions. As I grew up, I kept quiet when people asked about my mom and dad; I didn't want to correct them. I didn't say anything in middle school when gay was used as an insult and faggot was casually tossed around. I wasn't proud to have a different family, I just wanted to fit in.
Now, I realize how wrong I was. By hiding that my family was different I wasn't just suppressing them and who my parents are, I was holding back a part of myself. As a result of my mom, Jenny's, tutelage, I have learned acceptance and openness to others and their ideas in unfamiliar situations. She has taught me how essential it is to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and that even the smallest of actions can make a big impact on someone's life. Some of the greatest values I have learned from my other mom, Autumn, is task orientation and perseverance. Throughout my life, I have watched as she would get home late from work after trying to help other people have a chance at a better education. She would talk about how she had to pick her battles and would always see them through to the finish. My moms have pushed and challenged me in all respects, but I feel the most important attribute I have learned from them is having empathy, something that I will strive to embrace my entire life. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is what will make our world a better place.
Having two moms has shaped me into the person that I am today. It has made me become more tolerant and accepting. It has also made me realize how hard it can be for some people to be who they truly are when society can be ignorant and judgemental. Growing up in the household I have has made me understand that neither the law nor society's beliefs legitimize what is a norm and what is right and wrong. I now know that it is my moral obligation to stand up for who I am and what I believe in. I am lucky to be in the position I am today and it is fortuitous to have been able to grow up in such a nurturing family, extended family of lesbian "aunties" and community.
I believe innovation and honesty are the keys to fostering change and positive relationships, and by challenging structures we can solve many societal, environmental, and personal conflicts. The person I am today embraces change, diversity, and individuality. By striving for social justice in my future community setting, I hope to educate people on being open-minded and accepting. I am so happy that I did not just fill in one of my moms on my family tree years ago in order to conform to the majority. This unwillingness to stick to the structure of society has set the theme for my life. I'm proud to say that if I filled in a family tree now I would inform the teacher and class of the misprint and cross out "dad" and fill in a second "mom" instead, because all types of people deserve to be heard and seen and not suppressed under traditional conventions. As I embark upon my journey into college and life, I will have a strong voice, be an individual, and strive to be empathetic.
Any comments/suggestions would be highly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance.
The essay is already perfect, so I'll give a few comments based on my own prejudices. : )
I believe Innovation and honesty are the -- I always think sentences are better without the words 'I believe'... even though maybe those words convey some aspect of how you mean to express the idea, maybe it is not an important aspect. I believe s Sentences always sound better without those particular words.
One other idea: You could do something better with the last sentence of the first paragraph. That's an important spot in the essay. I don't have any suggestions about how to do it, but you are already great at writing and I bet you can think of some words that really capture the most important insight a reader can take from this essay. Include those words in a sentence at the end of the first paragraph. Right now that first paragraph ends with a run-on sentence.
