**my ending is not nearly as strong as i would want it to be.. but how is it overall? any suggestions on how to make the ending stronger??
I had been telling my dad I was due for a dentist appointment sometime soon. Immediately, my dad questioned why I needed to go the dentist, "Didn't you just go a couple weeks ago?" he asked.
"No... I went to the orthodontist, for my braces. I need a dental check." I replied.
"Aren't they the same?"
Although small his mistake, it is one of many that he has made from assumptions rather than knowledge. Even as I tried to explain the difference between the two, my dad's stubbornness and ignorance kept him from understanding that he was wrong; there was a difference between the two professions.
Up until recently, I had always believed my father was the smartest man I knew. His ability to answer any of my questions growing up astounded me; it inspired me to be just like him because to me, his knowledge seemed endless. He knew about everything, whether it was cooking, navigating, financing --the list went on. However, as my education surpassed his I realized that his words were not knowledge. When they were right they were words spoken from experience, but when they were wrong, they were assumptions made without proper evidence to support them. I began to see that instead of sounding like the smart man I had thought he was, he sounded like foolish man, especially when he is not willing to accept the valid truth. Even though this 'I-know-it-all' nature is part of his personality, I know that his lack of education is what is to blame for his ignorance because before he could ever start high school, he had to drop out of school. He was never given the option to continue his education.
First hand I have witnessed a man who claims to know it all, but really knows very little. I respect and appreciate him, but I no longer look up to him in that aspect. Instead, his assumptions sans knowledge have lead me to yearn for that knowledge that had been missing in his words. I made it my own personal endeavor to search for that knowledge,
If I am right, you are trying to say instead of listening to your father's ideas you want to explore by yourself. It is not that you don't trust him anymore, but you formed the idea to discover the truth in your mind. What has been told might not be the truth, and only by searching for the truth oneself can one find the answer. Right?
yes that is part of my message. i also want to say that because i have witnessed him be wrong and to me he sounds foolish, i would never want to sound like him which is why i pursue knowledge so i would never be in that position. (i don't if that would be rude to say..) and i want to have validity to my words, something my dad doesn't have.
the prompt is: reflect on an idea or an experience that has been important into your intellectual development. You might want to hone in more specifically on an event, or idea, or somehow focus what your currently have. right now it seems a little overly critical towards your father...it struck me as pretty harsh. I think you should go off of shelia's point and develop the "Explore by yourself idea," without calling your dad foolish or condemning him.
I think you need to more clearly state the main idea of the piece. What exactly are you trying to say? As of right now it seems that you are just bashing your father. I know that there is a message behind it but it's not clear. The essay begins just fine but I think near the middle somewhere you need to deviate more from your father and more towards your point to make sure you clearly answer the question being asked.
I think the essay begins well, but after it seems like you're going on a hate-session about your dad. Keep in mind, admissions officers are parents too, and they woulndt want their children talking about how much they hate their parents' ignorance.
I would say focus more on you and how you want to intellectually grow, rather than how much your dad has not.
I agree that it comes off as kind of harsh towards your dad. Maybe find a different way of saying it.
even my revised one?? i tried to make it less harsh just presenting the idea and then going from there..
I just dont' think it's a good topic to begin with. Doesn't really show intellectual vitality and this essay kinda goes nowhere. You either call your dad foolish and ignorant or you don't have a valid point. I would suggest writing on a different topic.
