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I was assured that it would be one of the best options for me. Lafayette College Supplemental Essay

Angel532 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2016   #1
Hey guys, this is a supplemental essay I've written for Lafayette College. Let me know anything I can fix!

Why Lafayette? (20-200 words)

Over the past couple of months, I've been getting emails from Lafayette alumni telling me about their success stories after graduating. From their own personal testimony, I was assured that Lafayette would be one of the best options for me. It's campus is a small one, has small classes meaning there is more space for one on one interactions with your professors if you need any help. From just visiting the campus, I was enriched with the amount of success that has left this school. That day, I knew Lafayette would be an exciting possibility for me.

Lafayette's science program is one of the strongest in the nation, making my career in the science field excel to the fullest. Although Lafayette doesn't offer a Pre-Vet major, I plan on majoring in Biology and taking the necessary courses to obtain an equivalent degree and continue to graduate school. Along with community service at any local animal shelters or hospitals, I would still be getting the hands on experience I need to succeed in that career. Why not I get a jump start to my future? Why not now? Cur Non Lafayette?

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 15, 2016   #2
Angel, your second paragraph is most powerful reason that you have chosen Lafayette University for your future education. So make that the focal point of the essay. Bring up the discussion and highlight the way that the university will allow you to enroll in your pre-vet subjects without the pressure of pre-vet school. Take away the questions that you have at the end. You never end an academic paper with a question, much less two questions. That comes across as arrogant to the reviewer.

Once you switch around the essay to close with the alumnae emails you will end up with a much more informative and stable essay response. You also manage to offer up an image of yourself as both an academic and social person who knows how to balance the demands of academics with the logic of real life. The last sentence of that paragraph also offers a stronger, most positive, and self-assured note. It is highly effective as the concluding sentence.

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