Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
I am not an athlete from any angle, neither a big fan of sports who would spend three hours a day in playing tennis, nor a talent sports star who can monopolize five of eight gold medals in my school's sports meeting. Yet I have come across a chance to touch the heart of sports as a participant of 7th International Pierre de Coubertin Youths Forum, and to be a "sportswoman" in an unusual means.
It was not until the day when I arrived at Athens, the city of Olympics, and met those 'Big Stars of Future' from more than twenty countries that I was aware of how extensive the gap is between us. The obstacle to communicating and chasm in athletic skills added to my diffidence. However, my state of mood gradually changed, when Thea from Norway chatted with me with excitement late one night, telling me thousands of her absorbing anecdotes in skiing, when Felix from Germany translated his tips for the knowledge test and shared them in our discussion group, when I had my right ankle hurt during the cross country race which I finally finished with great pain and exhaustion, and later that day, almost every one visited me, easing me with commiseration and complimenting for my persistence...I recalled of the Olympic Creed which I had recited for thousands times but had not truly understood, "The most important thing is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well." I came to recognize that despite not a gifted sportswoman, as a member of the forum, especially one represented the original culture, I could and was obligated to play my part in the group, and that difference between us was not burden but something valuable, which was often called "diversity".
With the brand new comprehension, after a short yet sufficient preparation, we Chinese team set up classes on Tai Chi and Kong Zhu, also I performed Kungfu Tea at the art performance, by which made me popular among those who were longing for traditional Chinese culture. Since that very moment, I noticed that my value in the forum was to be exactly who I was-a non-professional player yet a motivated participant.
To adequately express my understanding of Olympism and made my own contribution to the forum, I spent the next year in keeping in touch with all the 140 fellows and working on further in-depth study about physical education among youths which was the chief purpose of the forum. Again I am not an athlete, but I feel that I am the one who has fully waded into sports.
The 8th forum will be held in my school next year, and as a host, I am willing to tell someone---maybe a girl from Czech with no confidence because she could neither run fast nor play basketball well---that to a community, nothing is better than to devote oneself completely in one's own way.
------------------------------------------------
Thx for ur reading and sorry for my poor lanuage.
Very amusing to read. You need to carefully reread this essay to correct some minor mistakes.
To adequately express my understanding of Olympism and mademake my own contribution to the forum
also, try not using "" too often, they might perceive that as cliche.
goodluck!!!
Thx a million for your suggestions! They are really helpful.
Do you think i express my idea in a right way? After the writing i thought the essay was indeed a digression...sigh
Thx again :P
, nor a talented sports star who can monopolize five of eight gold medals in my school's sports meeting.
I came to recognize that despite not being a gifted sportswoman, as a member of the forum, especially one representing the original culture, I could and was obligated to play my part in the group, and that difference between us was not burden but something valuable, which was often called "diversity". --- this is a great sentence!
With the brand new comprehension, after a short yet sufficient preparation, we on the Chinese team set up classes on Tai Chi and Kong Zhu, also I performed Kungfu Tea at the art performance, by which made me popular among those who were longing for traditional Chinese culture.
Again I am not an athlete, but I feel that I am the one who has fully waded into sports.
Great ending... this essay is a work of art, very impressive.
EF_Kevin
Wow...boss...
Thanks for your corrections... grammar really frustrated my a lot...
For further advice, the words are over limitation. What you think i can remove from the passage? I mean the most confusing or irrelative parts...
Thanks again! ^^
I should have suggested this before:
I am not an athlete from any angle -- neither a big fan of sports who would spend three hours a day in playing tennis, nor a talent sports star who can monopolize five of eight gold medals in my school's sports meeting.
I added a dash to make it clearer and more distinct.
Well, I like all of it and do not want you to have to cut any, but if you must cut some, try making this into one succinct sentence:
However, my state of mood gradually changed, when Thea from Norway chatted with me with excitement late one night, telling me thousands of her absorbing anecdotes in skiing, when Felix from Germany translated his tips ... understood, "The most important thing is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well." This is the part you can shorten or cut.
:-)
You are right. My teacher also told me the three "when" made him confused...
Thx veeeeeeeeeery much!^^
