In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I tensed my self and looked ahead of me, waiting for the starters gun to go off. Concentrating only on the track ahead of me, i had done this so many times before, but each time was a new experience. God i love this feeling.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life, ever since my young days i loved running. As i grew older, this love became more serious, from races in the play ground i progressed to school meets and later on inter school meets where i represented my school. It didn't bother me that I had to get up at 5am everyday to train with my school coach and then again in the afternoon with a national coach, I didn't mind that everyday the training became more rigourous, this is what I loved doing, Over the years I have experimented with various events, both tack and field such as the 100,200, 4 x 100 as well as high jump. Having won medals on both a school and inter school level my love and enthusiasm towards athletics only grew stronger. Despite running for the past 8 years, the feeling I get when im on that track still overwhelms me.
hi,
im new to this whole thing, and this is my first attempt - it would be really great to get some feed back on this coz i think its pretty crappy
thanks
I tensed myself and looked ahead, concentrating on my track and waiting for the starters gun to go off. I had done this so many times, but each time I do it, it becomes a new experience. God i love this feeling.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life. Ever since I was a kid, i loved running. As i grew older, this love became ...
apostrophe:
starter's
You say you think this is crappy, but actually how are you judging it? How do you think it is being judged? The important point is to provide the reader with an experience and enable the reader to share the excitement you have about this activity.
It also is important to show that you write well.. Here are a few ideas:
Capitalize the letter I when you use it as a word!
This is a run on sentence:
Athletics has been an integral part of my life, ever since my young days i loved running.
Fix it this way:
Athletics has been an integral part of my life, ever since my young days when I acquired my love for running.
...get up at 5am every day to train...
I like the ending.
Thanks for the feedback, I re wrote it again feel free to critique it!
I tensed myself and looked ahead, concentrating on my track, waiting for the starter's gun to go off. Each time it is a new experience. Whether it be the 100m or 200m sprint, or even high jump, the feeling is exhilarating.
Athletics has been an integral part of my life. Ever since I was a child, I loved running. As I grew older, I progressed from races in the playground, to school meets and later to inter-school meets.
Waking up everyday at 5am for training didn't bother me. The training got more rigorous with time, but I didn't mind that - after all this was what I loved doing. The medals I won over the years, motivated me to persevere.
Above all athletics has taught me the importance of team work and that only with hard work and determination can you succeed.
10 years later, it is still my passion
10 Ten
Put a period at the end! This looks good.
:-)
