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Why do you want to attend one of the military service academies?

no experience in any type of service

I accidentally came across the United States Naval Academy late last year. I was cleaning my email, and I received a notification from them that I could apply to be a candidate for their Candidate visit weekend. My dream for my future was to go to my state's college, Rutgers New Brunswick, in New Jersey. After I graduated college, I wanted to help amputees, specially veterans and create prosthetics for them. Then, after my visit to the Naval Academy, I realized one important thing. I didn't have any experience in any type of service, I didn't know how their lives would change, so how could I help them becoming whole again?

I know it is in my future to help people, and the Naval Academy can help me become the best that I can, so I can help others and my country become the best that they can be as well. I hate being idle, being on the sidelines and not being able to do anything when I see someone in need. I firmly believe in service before self, and many of my ideologies are in line with the Academy's as well. I could try to fit in any college and in nearly any career,, but the Naval Academy could become my home, somewhere I do not have to try to fit in because I already do. I visited the Academy for two short days, and it felt like somewhere I needed to be. To me and many others like me, it's a school that's more than just a college, and I understood that no matter how challenging it may be to earn admission to, no matter how challenging Plebe summer or the college classes are, I belong there. The Naval Academy is where my future starts.

Any tips or things I should change ?

Apr 19, 2017   #2
Isabel, I have a tip for you. Try to relate your desire to help amputees with the experience on the field that becoming a Navy officer will offer you. Make this military service experience relate to your future career. After all, you will not be in the service forever, but it can help you become a better designer of future products that can help the injured or debilitated veterans live as normal a life as possible in the future. That way, the Navy becomes the necessary exposure experience that will help you to become better in your chosen civilian profession when your tour of duty ends. Explain that being a military veteran, you will be able to take your real world experience and the experience of the soldiers in the line of fire, to help them become whole again. I like the slant of your essay. It is all about creating the proper foundation for your future college degree in a manner that will look good on your future college application. You just need to revise the first paragraph in order to accommodate the change that I am suggesting.

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