Any advice is welcomed, thank you.
I am a passionate drawer and painter. My fondness toward visual art made me sensitive to the arts around my surroundings: advertisements, product packaging, posters, people's expressions, conversations and much more. Art has always been a part of me.
The Claude Watson Arts program of Earl Haig Secondary school opened my eyes in arts. After enrolled in its visual art program, I was introduced to contemporary conceptual art. Although our teachers acknowledge traditional art qualities such as painting and drawings, they were very concerned with ideas and theory. They taught me how to get inspirations from our lives and use it in our art works. I was encouraged to think creatively and differently, to wonder about the possibilities. After learning with such influential and innovative teachers, I decide to combine my way of thinking and ideas with my artistic skills and to use them in the society.
To be successful in any art industry, my art teacher Mr. Low once told me, you gotta have contacts.
And this is why I am attending Pratt. With its recognition, good faculty and its location, Pratt can help me success by helping me to build connections within the realm of western contemporary art.
Not only is Pratt one of the leading professional schools of art, design and architecture in the United States, but also is it the grandest art school in the nation, with the largest faculty. Many of the world's most renowned practising artists, designers, architects etcetera who have received awards for their work and are leaders in their field come to Pratt. From the excellent faculty, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the most important people in the Art world today.
As one of the most selective school of the United States, Pratt has attracted many gifted students nation wide. Students are the future. Pratt Institute will house the most influential artists of tomorrow. By being a part of the student body, I will be studying from, sharing ideas with, and being inspired by these talented people. From the excellent alumni, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the most important people in the Art world tomorrow.
Pratt is located at the centre of arts and culture of western society-Manhattan. Living and studying here, I will be aware to the each heart beat in the art world up to the minute. From the excellent location, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the newest concepts and technologies in the art world anytime.
With out a doubt, Pratt's large and excellent faculty, its brilliant pupils and its ideal setting provide me the contacts I seek in my artistic career for success. That is why I choose Pratt Today. By completing my study here at Pratt, I aspire to learn the latest technology, skills and perceptions; I aspire to meet and learn from the most talented teachers and students; I aspire to success.
I am a passionate drawer and painter.
show this? In your next sentence you only talk about looking at art, not actually doing it.
My fondness toward visual art made me sensitive to the arts around my surroundings
I would say "My fondness toward visual art HAS made me sensitive..." Assuming that the fondness is still there.
The Claude Watson Arts program of Earl Haig Secondary school opened my eyes in arts. When I enrolled in its visual art program, I was introduced to contemporary conceptual art. Although our teachers acknowledge traditional art qualities such as painting and drawings, they were very concerned with ideas and theory.[watch your tenses. It should be, "Although our teachers acknowledgeD..."] They taught me how to get inspirations from our lives and use it in our art works. I was encouraged to think creatively and differently, to wonder about the possibilities. After learning with such influential and innovative teachers, I decideD to combine my way of thinking and ideas with my artistic skills and to use them in the society.
"To be successful in any art industry," my art teacher Mr. Low once told me, "you gotta have contacts."
And this is why I am attending Pratt.
You're not there yet! This is why you WANT to attend Pratt; or why you're applying to Pratt.
With its recognition, good faculty and its location, Pratt can help me succeed by helping me to build connections within the realm of western contemporary art.
Not only is Pratt one of the leading professional schools of art, design and architecture in the United States, but also is it the grandest art school in the nation, with the largest faculty. Many of the world's most renowned practicing [i think?] artists, designers, architects etcetera who have received awards for their work and are leaders in their field come to Pratt. From the excellent faculty, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the most important people in the Art world today.
As one of the most selective school of the United States, Pratt has attracted many gifted students nation wide. Students are the future. Pratt Institute will house the most influential artists of tomorrow. By being a part of the student body, I will be studying from, sharing ideas with, and being inspired by these talented people.[For some reason this sentence sounds a bit weird to me. I'm not sure, though.] From the excellent alumni, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the most important people in the Art world tomorrow.
Pratt is located at the centre of arts and culture of western society-Manhattan. Living and studying here, I will be aware to the each heart beat in the art world up to the minute. From the excellent location, I will be able to make interactions and relations to the newest concepts and technologies in the art world anytime.
Without a doubt, Pratt's large and excellent faculty, its brilliant pupils and its ideal setting provide me the contacts I seek in my artistic career for success. That is why I choose Pratt Today. By completing my study here at Pratt, I aspire to learn the latest technology, skills and perceptions; I aspire to meet and learn from the most talented teachers and students; I aspire to succeed.
Pratt already knows where they're located, and that they attract a lot of students. You don't really need to tell them what they already know.
Also, like I said before - watch your tenses, you switch back and forth between past & present a lot.
Lastly, I feel like some of the things you say are a bit cliche, like you took phrases right from their website or something.
I hope this helps a bit...good luck! (:
The word "drawer" is a little awkward. I would changed the sentence to:
I am passionate about drawing and painting.
Add " " marks:
"To be successful in any art industry," my art teacher, Mr. Low, once told me, "You gotta have contacts."
Pratt is not only one of the leading professional schools of art, design and architecture in the United States, but also the grandest art school in the nation, with the largest faculty.
Good luck in your pursuit of success as an artist!
