Topic:
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
Essay:
I was born into a single-child, middle class home. Although things were not perfect, I was lucky to have friends and family that cared so much about my well-being. As a child, I was ignorant to what the real world was like, as I was protected by my parents from much of what really goes on. As I began high school, I realized what kind of world we really live in.
My freshman year of high school really opened my eyes as to what goes on in the real world. Although I live in a rather quiet part of the city, I attended a high school that was in the middle of several gangs. As I would walk through the hallways, I would overhear conversations about delinquencies that would frighten any other teenager, however these students were talking about it as if it were a part of their normal everyday lifestyles. Despite the numerous shootings, robberies and other crimes that happen almost regularly in the area, North Miami Beach Senior High School seemed to be a safe haven in the middle of this war zone for these kids.
These students being so comfortable with, and even wanting to live, this "gangster" lifestyle has always been a problem for me, because many of my close friends are associated with these gangs, as well as the stereotype that is often placed upon African-Americans, especially living in North Miami Beach, as nothing but "thugs" and "goons" is something that I've wanted to help change.
Now in the midst of my senior year, I have made great strides in my goal of helping these young kids break out of the "gangster" mentality. I have persuaded many freshmen to pursue athletics, and have even chosen to mentor these young kids. I have enlisted the help of several friends and teachers, and so far I believe we have been rather successful. The amount of crimes involving adolescents has steadily gone down since my freshman year, and the students have taken a greater interest in their education, raising its school grade from an 'F' to a 'C' grade, an improvement that one can only hope will continue.
All comments and critiques are appreciated!
Overall, I think it's a very great essay. It sounds very personal because of your own thoughts and your incorporation of your friends. Since you did some research on this gangster problems, I think your essay is very factual and believable to the AO's.
Something I would suggest is maybe talk more about how its important to you. You only have one sentence that does. Although you describe what you are doing, I think if you maybe elaborated a little bit more on why it's important, I think that would be awesome.
Good luck =)
