Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6


I attended a school in Bahrain; Educational Path essay, UM


klusterfunk 6 / 21  
Jan 17, 2010   #1
Describe your educational path. How did you get to where you are today? What are your educational goals, and how does the University of Michigan fit into them?

I attended a school in Bahrain (a small island country in the Middle East) called The Indian School, where I stayed half way through high school (until the 6th grade). Unfortunately, the school was unable to provide an environment that encouraged learning. I scored good grades for the first three or four years, but grew tired of the moribund, close-minded style of teaching, which mostly involved memorizing texts verbatim, apart from massaging the fractured, yet ever-growing egos of some teachers and administration.

So I decided to quit school and read on my own.

I did not continue any formal education until about 2 years after I arrived in Florida where I got my GED, at a high percentile. I wanted to develop on my interest in psychology (I had done as much reading as possible about the subject during the gap in my education).

I enrolled at Broward College, where I finally got to meet some sincere teachers. These were extraordinary people with profound love for their subjects, from calculus to geology to developmental psychology. I couldn't get enough, often staying as long as I could after class developing on our class discussions. I truly enjoyed my time with them; even the ones I disagreed with vehemently on certain subjects... they always had something unique and useful to teach.

By that point, I knew psychology was what I wanted to do. I looked for good colleges with strong experimental programs, and was astounded by the Labs on offer at the University of Michigan, especially in the cognitive, social and developmental realms. With its' strong undergrad and grad programs, I think UM fits perfectly with my goals to learn more about this deep and fascinating field.
OP klusterfunk 6 / 21  
Jan 17, 2010   #2
I forgot to mention: there is a 250 word limit on this, so if you find anything to chop off or shrink down, please let me know... thanks!
fznfire 1 / 32  
Jan 17, 2010   #3
Bahrain (a small island country in the Middle East)

If you are in word limit, you can eliminate these things outright. The reader shall know about the country. Even if s/he does not, nothing much is related. To be honest, I did not get the part "until sixth grade"

The following part seems harsh. Though you were not satisfied with the school and dropped out still you should show some respect towards it or use some mild words.

I liked the word Unfortunately
It soothes the harshness. If I were you I would put it this way:

Unfortunately, the school could satiate my appetite for creative knowledge. My creativity instead of fostering in the school was shrinking every passing day. So I had to no alternative but take the other way. I quitted the school, but it was not the end of my learning. In fact, two years after spending time learning on my own, I feel a greater degree of accomplishment than my friends from High School.

But still, during these years I felt a strong need for a University which could help me discover my potentials, expand my horizon of knowledge and ...., all that the Indian school could not provide me. Probably I am being negative either..

And when I came across University of Michigan in ...., this was it....

Hope it helps
OP klusterfunk 6 / 21  
Jan 17, 2010   #4
Thank you for your idea, it actually makes sense, and if you don't mind, I will steal it. : )
fznfire 1 / 32  
Jan 18, 2010   #5
Probably you would like to discuss more on Lab facilities you are talking about University of Michigan. Why Michigan? This question is important. It is hard to write, but the essay would be better if you say that some specific thing from the labs or programs that had attracted you. You do not need to mention strong undergrad and grad program . Just show why you perceive it as strong? It is better if you point out some uniqueness.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 21, 2010   #6
Unfortunately, the school was unable to provide an environment that encouraged learning.

Right after this, you can improve the credibility of the whole essay with a bit of explanation:
Unfortunately, the school was unable to provide an environment that encouraged learning; a lack of funding caused the typical school day to be _____________________, and the learning process was made dysfunctional by the __________________________ that characterized Bahrain in recent years.

:-)

The first part of the essay can be improved with this explanation, because the reader will know that it really was the school's inadequacy rather than your rebelliousness.

For the last half: Specify a few schools of thought in psych that resonate with you! Google around about existentialist psychology, cognitive psychology, psychoanalytic, etc., so that you can give at least one sentence about your plans as a psychologist. Good choice, by the way!


Home / Undergraduate / I attended a school in Bahrain; Educational Path essay, UM
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳