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'attracted by teacher's explaining' - A statment of purpose for teaching.


hafidgg 6 / 11  
Jun 8, 2012   #1
hello all;
I have to write a statement of purpose to join teaching in public sector; here is the beginning of it. I hope u correct me and if possible suggest more powerful ideas.

I always remember when I was a little boy at the first grade. I was attracted by the teacher and his way in explaining. When he asked us what we want to be when we grow up, I found no other job to say than I want to be like him. It was not because I didn't know other professions, but because I felt there is no other job like teaching kids. I grow up with this dream and I met different kind of teachers till I graduated in the university. Though some teachers aren't good enough to me and my class mates, I have never felt teaching is unworthiness. This ambition pushed me to teach before even having my B.A. I have been teaching kids and teenagers in private sector for more than three years now and even if it is a bit different of what I was thinking, I love it and I find it the job in which I can help people and contribute in building our society. Knowing about the concour, I find it a good opportunity to me to join public schools where I can share my experience and benefit students from different social classes from my experience and contribute to the goodness of our nation....
ana_p 27 / 81  
Jun 8, 2012   #2
Hi,

I think you should take care of your sentence structure (just a suggestion). for example, your first sentence:

I always remember when I was a little boy at the first grade. (you didn't complete your sentence here) I was (you can add always here) attracted by the teacher and his way in ( I think it should be 'of' instead of 'in') explaining.

Good Luck!

Thanks,
Ana.
BachChaconne2 1 / 95 19  
Jun 9, 2012   #3
Although you've written a touching essay overall, you could improve it by adding details and elaborating your ideas.

I always remember when I was a little boy at the first grade. I was attracted by the teacher and his way in explaining.[Combine these sentences.] When he asked us what we want to be when we grow up, I found no other job to say than I want to be like him. It was not because I didn't know other professions, but because I felt there is no other job like teaching kids. [What experiences influenced you to feel this way about teaching? Why was it so important to you?] I grow up with this dream and I met different kind of teachers till I graduated in the university. [What happened after graduation?]

Though some teachers aren't good enough to me and my class mates, I have never felt teaching is unworthiness.

This ambition pushed me to teach before even having my B.A.[What ambition?]

[These two sentences are awkwardly positioned in the paragraph. You could create new sentences around these two to help your ideas flow.]

[Insert one or two sentences here to transition into and explain recent events; for example, how did you finally end up achieving your dream of becoming a teacher?] I have been teaching kids and teenagers in private sector for more than three years now and even if it is a bit different of what I was thinking, I love it and I find it the job in which I can help people and contribute in building our society. [Why do you love it and how does it enable you to help others?]

Knowing about the concour [What is this and how does it relate to your profession as a teacher?] , I find it a good opportunity to me to join public schools where I can share my experience and benefit students from different social classes from my experience and contribute to the goodness of our nation. [How does it help you share your experiences and enrich other peoples' lives? Furthermore, elaborate on what you mean by "goodness of our nation."]
OP hafidgg 6 / 11  
Jun 9, 2012   #4
Michael F.
Ana
Zhang

thank you all indeed for suggestions. I ll try to rewrite it and follow ur suggestions. please be in touch.


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