We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.
1.Music provides my ultimate peace, its allure is irresistible. The captivating black and white piano keys are the voice of freedom in my life.
A timid note tentatively sparks at first, then one by one the others follow. The rhythm changes, the melody becomes more dynamic. All emotions find their voices when poured in the piano. All the grief and joy expressed in notes make the room quake; however I hardly notice for I am now utterly immersed in the beauty of the harmony. An exhilarated soul is what remains of me as the melody calms down, finding its own peace.
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why?
2.My love for math comes mostly because of its intriguing nature, for mathematics epitomizes challenge; the trickier the problem is, the more captivated I am. Sharing my passion with equally enthusiastic and creative individuals has always been a dream, one which now can be accomplished at the Mathematics Department at MIT.
The brilliance and allure of mathematics lies in its explicit laws yet numerous flexible solutions. With math one knows no restraint. Infinite approaches to different problems await to be discovered by bright minds; as does my potential anticipate its full awakening by the many opportunities, especially remarkable research possibilities MIT has to offer.
PLZ comment, I simply don't know if these are good enough, or what I could do to improve them.
Thnx in advance.
About the second essay:
I think you spend much time talking about passion; you should focus more in the question: which department or program at MIT...
Perhaps you should mention the department or program and them describe the reason which is your passion!
I am applying to MIT too! Maybe you could take a look at my essay and tell me what do you think! I am having a hard time with these prompts [b](extremely short answers)
Good luck :)
Your first essay is good. It shows why you like music, and you explain it vividly.
Your second essay should show why MIT is a good choice for your passion for math.
Anyway hope this helps
Good luck
Do you think this updated version aanswers the questin asked. Or is ti still not enough about MIT, and too much about math?
Criticism is wellcome.
I dont know the math program at MIT but there must be something special about it. Be more concrete: the question is why the department of x major at MIT appeals you, not why math generally appeals you.
Can you help me with mine please? Faleminderit :)
Here is my third edited response. Please comment on it, since the earlier comments probably saved my essay in the end. Don't hesitate to be harsh, just be truthful!
This is a great piece. Just you can notice yourself that the last sentence is too long. If revised, it could be like this:
With math one knows no restraint: infinite approaches for solving different problems await to be discovered by bright minds. My potential hungers for its full awakening by the many opportunities, especially remarkable research possibilities MIT has to offer. (here you can add examples if you have characters left)
thnx fot being so helpful and FAST.
Your first response is beautifully written.
All the grief and joy expressed in notes make the room quake, however I hardly notice, I am now utterly immersed in the beauty of the harmony.
Seems a bit awkward though.
With math one knows no restraint, infinite approaches for solving different problems await to be discovered by bright minds, as does my potential hunger for its full awakening by the many opportunities, especially remarkable research possibilities MIT has to offer.
I think one of the commas can be replaced by a semicolon, or you can split this into 2 sentences.
luminousx
do you have any idea how to make my first one well, not akward. I've been thinking about how to change it but with the word limit to 100 words it is very difficult.
Thnx for the intel though.
If you need sth for me to check, all you have to do is ask.
I see what you mean here now, try a semicolon instead.
All the grief and joy expressed in notes make the room quake; however I hardly notice, I am now utterly immersed in the beauty of the harmony.
The final drafs, plz check for anything I might have missed.
It is excellent! It does show all the passion you have for mathematics. I am also applying for MIT, hope we all get the admission. But it seems you are in a hurry,
Dont be! Just be patient, you should not send them now, many new ideas about essays will sure come to your mind.
