Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"A word spoken by chance might have strange consequences" -Edward Field
Even though I didn't know what would happen, I took a chance to save my mother's life. I have learned through the ensuing hardship that speaking out can have drastic and irreversible consequences. In fact, words themselves have consequences. Words can hurt and words can heal. They can encourage, discourage, inspire, teach, support and so on. Recently, I have discovered how powerful my own words are and how they began a course of events that changed the world for my family.
"Mom, he hurt me!" I cried as I ran into my house holding my arm. Those were the words I spoke three years ago that got my abusive father out of our home. While my father's abuse had been escalating for some time it had always been directed at my mother, never at us kids. My mom always justified it or made little of it, or felt responsible for it. I knew she was not capable of stopping it. I also knew that she would not be that "understanding" if one of us kids got hurt. My siblings and I were afraid. As my parents fighting increased, the violence increased, and the tension in our house increased. None of us really knew what to do. Our family had not always been this way. For many years we were your average, normal, happy family. But something had changed and I was afraid something bad was going to happen. Then my dad did hurt me, sort of. He threw a can of soda at me. It was at this moment I decided that I had to do something. I used my words. I told my mom that dad hurt me even though it didn't really hurt that much. I knew if she thought dad was hurting me she would do something. These words were enough to convince my mom that staying with my father was not safe for any of us. Eventually police were called and protective orders issued. My father refused to have anything to do with us. We ended up losing our home and moving. These words, as I feel no words can, do not capture what a tumultuous time this was and the huge amount of unhappiness that filled us all.
As a result, I attribute most of my success to my family; not because of the attention or love that they gave me, but because of the strength that they've instilled in me. Because of them I know I can get through even the most harsh of situations and live to tell about it. My family taught me that out of every bad thing comes something good and all you need to do is look for it. Even though my family has given me a lot of pain, I'm still thankful to have had them because they are the reason I have the strength that I have today.
I've learned that when you're put through the worst, things that may seem impossible to others no longer seem as daunting and overwhelming.
I would really appreciate feedback and help from anyone
Hi
your essay is pretty solid, but the general temperature is a little too high. From whatever research i have done by poring over essays, talking to admissions officials and alums, they say that your essay should be more positive and should show your strengths. Sure, your essay does show tremendous strength of spirit and valor, but you should put this in the optional hardships/achievement section. You write with a lot of emotion, which is good, but there's a little too much emotion. It's too intense. Then again, that's just a suggestion. Still, even from the essay, you seem like a very brave person.
Add an apostrophe:
As my parents'
I think this sentence is better without "my"
I used my words.
We ended up losing our home and moving. (end the paragraph here)
Start a new paragraph:
These words, as I feel no words can, do not capture what a tumultuous time this was and the huge amount of unhappiness that filled us all. As a result, I attribute most ...
... can get through even the most harsh harshest of situations and live...
Great job! I think you probably did the right thing! Can you tell a little more about how this experience affects your plans for the future?
:-)
