'How'd your audition go?' - MIT significant challenge essay

Merry Christmas Eve everybody! I would love it if you guys would take a quick look at the essay I wrote to address the MIT app's "significant challenge" prompt.

It was originally about 70% longer and I had to do quite a bit of condensing, so please tell me if anything doesn't make sense.

Thank you so much!

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

It was the worst summer ever. I had been humiliated; my worthlessness proven. I was incompetent.
So I took the logical next step--I found a bathroom, locked myself in, and bawled. When I left, Interlochen awaited. The bright and shiny faces of musicians, each and every one of them immensely more talented than me, swarmed about. Then the nightmare started again. My roommate saw me.

"Sasha! How'd your audition go?"
"...good. Late for class." I muttered as I escaped. False. It'd been horrible. I'd let my ego control me and sauntered in unprepared.

Later I realized that there was some hope left. I could still be the best that I possibly could be. I resolved to be the hardest working violinist at camp and to practice until my fingers bled. I spent the rest of my summer working to achieve those goals, and although I never managed to draw blood, my conductor personally told me he was proud of my determination (no small feat when the conductor is Jung-Ho Pak, a man whose Wikipedia page rivals several vice-presidents' in length).

When I left Interlochen, I took with me a lesson that I'd never expected to learn. I learned to overcome failure; that being at the bottom of the pack didn't mean it was over--it only meant that the only option was improvement. It hasn't been easy on my ego, but I've learned to find inspiration in my shortcomings and to strive for success in the face of defeat.

Sasha

I think this was bloody brilliant. Loved - I never managed to draw blood & the wiki mention - those brief touches of humour were nicely done.

The first few sentences or rather clipped statements were good attention grabbers though fairly harsh, but illustrated your point. The bawling demonstrated your human side, which I found endearing.


This might connote a lot of negativity towards yourself.

Maybe change "good" to "Ahhh"/"Okay"..dont want to come off as a liar.

Transition from saunter in unprepared and later could be better.
Overall I think you answered the prompt spot-on! Very nicely done.

Hope this helps!