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August 1998, America. UC Prompt 1 Need help revise.


wklui 2 / -  
Nov 30, 2008   #1
If there's any way possible to make anything clear, please post your ideas. Thanks!!

On a day of August 1998, my family and I placed our first step onto America. I knew that the moment would be the beginning of a new life, the start of an American dream. Unfortunately, the new environment and challenges that my family encountered did not make the American dream come true; but even worse, turned into a nightmare and brought us apart. Over the years as I grew up, being left isolated at home and worried about the future, I witnessed my family's hardship as my mother worked endless hours to support me and my brother and our education. The difficult time and experience has shaped my determination to develop to an educated and successful person, repaying what my mother has given and done for me, and to become an educator to help students who share similar disadvantageous experience in their pursuit of education.

I can remember the time when my family immigrated to the United States from Hong Kong. Within our first few months in the US, my family started to have conflicts and arguments that we were unable to settle, and my father deserted the family. Without his financial support, my mother had difficulty of supporting both my brother and me. From early morning to late evening, my mother devoted all her time working, trying to earn enough for the family. While my brother was in college concentrating on his study, I was left isolated at home without much help when I had questions from learning. Moreover, because my primary language was not English, I first found it very difficult to adapt to school in America. I was incapable of fully understanding what my teachers taught in classes, causing me to feel segregated from the classmates. After being empowered by what my mother has given me, I was urged to overcome this burden. Through this difficulty, I was able to pursue a further education and become successful.

By expanding my knowledge, I can develop my reasoning skills as becoming an educator to provide students a better understanding of their family concerns. With my bilingual abilities, I can communicate clearly to both Chinese and American people, allowing me to be twice as effective, to interact with the natives born here and the new arrival immigrants. As an educator, tutoring pupils after school enables them to receive help when needed and giving advice to students who shares similar background as me.

As an immigrant, coming to a new country caused my family to fall apart. After this incident, my mother's burden increased, having to work longer hours to pay for the family's expense. This difficult experience of my mother's has caused me to realize her pain and motivated me to become an educated and successful person.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2008   #2
In August of 1998, my family and I left Hong Kong and stepped into America for the first time.

Start the second paragraph this way:

Within a few months of our immigration, my family started to have conflicts and arguments that we were unable to settle, and my father deserted the family.

Good, now I think you can add a bit more reflection at the end. Sum up the truth of the essay with a powerful concluding sentence.

Thanks!

Kevin


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