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My aunt - the person who influenced you the most

hey, can i please get some help on this essay. it's due tommorow and i really could use some advice. :)

There are many people who have influenced my life but the person who has influenced my life more significantly than the others in my aunt. She has made me the strong person that I am today. Whether it was encouraging me to stand out in the crowd or recommending good books, she has always been there for me when I needed her. She is more like a friend to me than an aunt.

I have lived with my aunt for five years. My parents were frequently away on business trips so she was my second mother. When I was young, she used to read to me for hours, quiz me for my weekly spelling tests and answer all my myriad questions. She brought me to the library and taught me how to find books. She made me read good books. Now that I look back, I realize that she had presented me with the important habit of reading.

"Strength is nothing more than well you hide the pain. "My aunt has had to go through many hardships. I remember that when I first met her, she was struggling to find a job but she still took me in because my parents had to leave for an important conference. She never let her problems show on her face. She covered everything with a smile and taught me to do the same. One thing I greatly admire about her is that even though she had her own problems, she never hesitated to help others. I greatly admire her strength.

Among the various things that my aunt taught me, she taught me to be simple and that less is more. She herself was always very modestly dressed and encouraged me to do the same. She was so polite with people that it made me follow her example. I would be ashamed to be rude to someone. She also taught me to be patient. I would have been an extremely different person if I hadn't met her.

My aunt's life is a great example to never give up. As I mentioned earlier, she was struggling to find a job when I met her. Despite her problems; finding a job, a mother to take of and to get money for all her mother's medical bills, she never gave up. She had worked multiple jobs to pay for her study courses and wasn't about to let her problems stand in the way of her ambition. She worked hard and last year, she achieved her goal of opening a political science institution. She taught me that although we don't realize it, achieving our goal is worth all the hard work and effort.

My aunt is a very important part of my life and who I am. She has played a big in role in shaping my personality. I deeply admire her and her qualities. When I grow up, I hope I can be as good as her; caring, understanding, kind, determined and strong.

Dec 4, 2009   #2
has influenced my life more significantly than the others

who has the most significance on me. and you should start with this directly. it's assumed that there are many people who have influenced your life

strong person that I am today

another adjective maybe? is it physically buff or psychologically tough? Strong is a generic word that might make you sound pretentious.

overall, you focus a bit too much on what your aunt did, and not enough about how that made a difference in your own life or personality. It also lacks focus. Do you want to go about education? or strength of character? or struggling with a job? if you really have to talk about all three (I wouldn't recommend... pick the one or 2 you really want to talk about and go in depth) then make sure that you say that in your intro: my aunt taught me this, this, and this. or she is this, this and this and here's how she influenced me.

It's easy to get distracted on pointless details, so try to narrow your thoughts a bit. most importantly, talk about you. the admin doesn't care about who your aunt is, but how she played a role in your life.
Dec 4, 2009   #3
"Strength is nothing more than well you hide the pain. "

You mean "Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain. "? Just feel like pointing it out.

also, I think you should start with a hook. You know, grab the reader's attention b/c chances are by the time they got to your essay they must have read tons of other essays already. So try to create something unique or funny. That would definitely help.

Yang's right. You have several irrelevant details there but overall, I think you get the point accross. Only need to work on the wording and structure.

Good work though!

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