prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
my essay:
I remember the night vividly. To this day, a warm sweaty feeling still suffocates me when I even think about it. My family and I were sitting in a booth (the kind your thighs stick to) waiting for our dinner to arrive at the restaurant, when my brother Matt started wailing- the kind that sounds like someone is being stabbed, but my brother had simply spilled cold water on himself. Anyone who knows about autism would know that this is a response to sensory overload, but to everyone in the restaurant, it seemed like my family had raised an oversized, seven year old baby. I saw mothers sneer to their husbands that their baby would never act like that, or even worse, whisper to each other about my brother being a brat. My twelve year old self was mortified. I wanted to scream, "He is autistic! He can't help it!" but instead, I slouched low in my seat waiting for my mom to calm him down.
Leaving the restaurant that night, I felt embarrassed to be a part of my own family, and secretly, I felt even more embarrassed to be Matt's sister. As I laid in bed that night, I wished people already would have been informed of what autism was so that they wouldn't have stared and wondered. Later that week, I went to the mall with a couple girlfriends. As we paraded into the food court, I saw a familiar sight out of the corner of my eye; a disheveled mother trying to calm down her wailing son, who was rocking back and forth, a tell-tale sign of autism. I heard one of my friends say, "She needs to control her kid!" obviously referring to the scene I saw unfolding. Instead of agreeing with her, I realized that that mother must feel exactly how I felt only a week earlier. If I could relate, I wondered how many other people could relate as well. I didn't feel embarrassed about Matt anymore, I felt empowered to educate. If only my friend knew that the boy couldn't help it, she wouldn't think the mother had no control. "He probably has autism" I blurted out, "He can't help it". She examined me slowly before saying, "Oh... that sucks," From that day on, I no longer let my brother's challenges be an embarrassment to me, but rather a chance to help others understand this complex disability.
It's been five years since I realized I could educate and make a difference and I'd like to think that I have. Although my brother has outgrown his outbursts, he still has his quirks. Instead of hiding from him in shame, I choose to think of his quirky moments as chances to inform people about what's going on and how they can help. I am constantly proud of Matt for his accomplishments and I adore being his big sister. Besides, in a screaming contest, he's my secret weapon, hands down.
i had written this essay for a class before i had this prompt. is this essay apprpriate for this prompt, and how can i tweak it to make it fit, or just make it better in general. thank you so much!
I remember the night vividly.
To this day, a warm sweaty feeling still suffocates me when I even think about it.---This sentence is great, and a much better opening for your essay.
My family and I were sitting in a booth (the kind your thighs stick to) ---(nice )--waiting for our dinner to arrive at the restaurant , when my brother Matt started wailing- the kind of wailing that sounds like someone is being stabbed, but my brother had simply spilled cold water on himself.
If I could relate, I wondered how many other people could relate as well.---I can relate!
It's been five years since I realized I could educate people and make a difference, and I'd like to think that I have.
:).
