I'm stressing myself out right now because I need to send my application in, but I don't feel my essay is good enough. I've been checking out a few others and I don't think I'm addressing my issue correctly. Should I have a story in there? I need feedback asap about what to change or any comments at all. Thank you!
keep in mind it isn't done and they are just ideas thrown in there
Taking a Stand: Activism
Our nation today suffers from various issues from the economy to pollution. While these issues may seem disturbing because of how deeply the United States has fallen, the lack of people in communities around the world whom bestow attention on becoming active is just as disturbing. Some people may misconceive the ideas of activism, and feel that they are only riots, acts of violence, or rebellion even though they have never experienced it, but it is much more than these stereotypical perceptions. Famous people such as Gandhi, Ralph Nader, and Mother Teresa were all activist whose intentions revolved around peace and the
betterment of people. I was deeply inspired by a quote of an unknown activist who stated "One can imagine a sane, healthy, cheerful human society based on no more than the principals of common sense, as validated each day by work, play, and living experience. But this remains the most Utopian and fantastic of ideals." If more people could realize that they are the ones who can hold the power of possibly seeing a social, environmental, or political
change, it may become a reality.
It is our generation that will determine the future, whether it may become worse, or may be given the chance to become more understanding, peaceful, and collaborative. The decision relies on us. It is also our generation who obtains the responsibility to create change for ourselves, future children (if any), and everyone else. With the exception of various activists in our nation today, I feel the majority of the country wastes time complaining about the many defects in our world today instead of coming together and doing something about it. I do bestow eminence on those who are contributing and giving back to the world by speaking out and taking action. I feel it is important to get involved with all types of activism. Everyone is capable of contributing by using their depth of knowledge, creativity, and organizational abilities.
Hopefully the apathy and ignorance of the world will lessen, and in turn will
be replaced with concern and support.
And I'm also really unsure about what exactly is supposed to be included in the statement of purpose?
ok so remember that the issue of importance is something that you care about AND it's effect on you, your family, generation, etc. try not to make it so grand, unless you make sure to spin it so that it tells something about you.
maybe you can go into detail about what it is that YOU are doing to make the world a better place..remember that you're writing it so that the readers get to know more about who you are and what you can offer to the university..they want someone that's going to provide ideas and spark conversation in the classroom..
the statement of purpose--i wrote about what i will do with my degree--i'm majoring in psychology and need a bachelors degree to get the career that i want, which includes helping kids..so that's what i wrote about. maybe include how ut's program offers what you want...
thank you so much! I was thinking though, that because I'm majoring in biology and well my second choice is nutrition which i feel I'm a little more passionate about, so maybe I should write about the importance of health in today's society. I can relate to my family because diabetes runs in the family including high blood pressure, and sugar. I can also say its significant to me because if I don't watch my own health at a young age, I can easily end up on the same page as the rest of my family. What do you think?
that sounds great! it relates to you and your family and it's your major and something you care about..plus it's going to sound way better than a generic speech about something so grand as the world..
While these issues may seem disturbing because of how deeply the United States has fallen, the lack of people in communities around the world whom bestow attention on becoming active is just as disturbing.
This sentence (above) is way too long and confusing.
Famous people such as Gandhi, Ralph Nader, and Mother Teresa were all activists whose intentions revolved around peace and the
betterment of people.
The decision is ours.
A few more little tweaks...
:)
Your problem seems to be that your issue is more like a meta-issue. I mean, if everyone became a passionate activist, that could cause a lot of social problems, because not everyone would be on the same side of every issue. For instance, you would have both more people being pro-choice activists and more people being pro-life activists. You would have more people being activists for public health care and more people being activists for reducing the size of government. You would have more activists for gun control and more activists for the freedom to bear arms. And so on. So, the lack of engagement by ordinary people in social matters is a meta-issue in the sense that it covers a wide range of issues, and affects both sides of each. Picking a more specific issue, such as the importance of health, sounds like a great idea, because then you go into detail about your point of view, and show that you know a lot about that issue.
