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UT Austin Spring Transfer (from UTSA to UT) Statement of Purpose

seanq1 1 / -  
Aug 5, 2018   #1
I'm trying to transfer from UTSA to UT next Spring and finished writing my statement of purpose. I've never written one before so I'm not sure if this will be as good as I like it. Please let me know if there are some issues with my essay. Thank you!

a career in the medical field, San Antonio

As an incoming Freshman at the University Of Texas at San Antonio, I'd like to pursue a career geared towards the medical field however, I am restricted in my extra curricular activities in the San Antonio area due to the low demand of job and volunteer opportunities in the medical field. The University of Texas at Austin provides many distinguished and exceptional opportunities for students like me that are geared towards the medical field. In the future, I would like to pursue a career geared towards medical research to help society and Austin opens many opportunities, such as volunteering at Dell Seton Medical Center which will help build the foundation to achieve my goals in the future of helping not just my community but society as a whole. Fall Semester is right around the corner and the environment I've lived in for the past year have prepared me for success not only physically but mentally. As a victim of Hurricane Harvey, I learned that to succeed, one must move past the broken state and enter the recovery state as quickly as possible or else they will forever remain in the broken state. As the only child from my family present during Hurricane Harvey's recovery, I enhanced my skills on how to prioritize and organize duties while continuing school in a busy environment. To aid my father in recovery, I earned a local job and donated my savings towards the recovery effort. From this event, I have learned how to balance school, work, and recovery during hardship, all while retaining 100% effort in all my classes. I intend to apply what I've learned from this hardship at the University of Texas at Austin.

As an undergraduate studying Public Health, I would like to continue studying in this field so that in the next few years, I can create a positive impact on not just a few, but thousands of lives on this globe. Although the coursework will be rigorous, I am prepared knowing that without struggle and failure, nothing can be accomplished. Although Public Health is a new major at the University of Texas at San Antonio, why do I want to make the switch over to the University of Texas? Because I want to step in a different direction where I will be open towards more open and diverse opportunities that are lacking in San Antonio. As a younger brother of a current Pre-Med major at the University of Texas, I've been exposed to numerous and diverse job and volunteer opportunities that will enhance my goals and visions of helping society as a whole. San Antonio offers a short ceiling for growth when it comes to research opportunities compared to the numerous academic opportunities offered at the University of Texas at Austin.

I would like to transfer to the University of Texas at Austin because I would like to pursue my goals of helping society while being surrounded by endless opportunities such as Dell Seton Medical Center, Priscilla Pond Flawn Child and Family Laboratory, and many other opportunities. In addition, I would like to work in an academic environment surrounded by exceptional, award-winning professors in a diverse environment and city, something not present at the University of Texas at San Antonio. Lastly, I would like to attend the University of Texas at Austin so that I can also participate in the Naval ROTC program in hopes of commissioning as an officer in the U.S Navy or United States Marine Corps. The opportunity to participate in Naval ROTC is lacking at the University of Texas at San Antonio. Although managing ROTC, academics, and volunteering may seem like a challenge for some, I'm ready for it because I know I'll be surrounded by a tremendous and diverse environment in Austin, something that no other university in Texas possesses.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 6, 2018   #2
Sean, paragraphs 3 and 4 are the most appropriate parts of this essay that you should open with. Revise the essay to immediately draw the attention of the reviewer to the purpose of your transfer to University B from University A. By highlighting the reasons within the first paragraph, you stand a better chance of the reviewer reading through the whole essay because you have given him a reason to continue reading. He will want to know more about you, the reasons for your transfer, and what inspired you to choose their university.

The first two paragraphs can be used at the end of the new essay instead because those contain the reasons regarding why you feel that your current university is holding you back from achieving your academic and professional goals. The format I would use for the revised essay, using the paragraph numbering system would be as follows: 3,4,2,1. that should create a more informative presentation of your purpose and reasons for wishing to switch universities at this point in your education.

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