Personal Statement 1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I'd love to hear some feedback on what I could do to better this! Thank you in advance:)
Sixteen years ago, my mother gave birth to my youngest brother, RJ. I did not understand what my mother and my youngest brother had been going through in the emergency room because I was barely a year old. I had been spoon-fed to think that my newest sibling was there to keep me company. As I grew up healthily and with a stubborn, yet thoughtful mind, my younger brother grew up physically, but stayed mentally as a child. Young and naïve, I guessed that my brother just thought slowly-but that one day he would be as smart as any other kid in his grade. When I barely entered sixth grade, my mother sat me down and sobbed that my brother was different: my brother was an autistic child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
As I entered junior high, my parents began to expect that I would care more and more for my brother not just as an older sister, but as an adult as well Caring for an autistic brother became a daunting and frustrating task. I grew adamant against my parents' will to care for RJ. I could not comprehend why they wouldn't allow me to live like a normal child with normal responsibilities. Resentful, I sometimes took my anger out on my brother verbally, calling him names and even pushing him around. I thought he acted like a pushover that could live just as easily without my help as any other kid. I thought that my brother could easily stand up to others if they bullied him or that he could figure out how to get home by himself. It wasn't until I saw my brother being shoved against a wall by an older kid in his class after school that I realized how much he had depended on me. Where I had once been the one to complain about my sibling, I was now the adult attempting to protect him from the same bullying and teasing I had previously given him.
In my pursuit to grow and care for my brother, I too grew. I grew in maturity and I found a new side of myself that I could not find when I closed my brother out. My brother was not different or what prestigious doctors called 'special'; he was an ordinary teenage boy, living life at a slower pace. As I move on in my life and education, it is my aspiration to help autistic children to not think that they are different from the rest of their community, but that they are capable to be anyone they desire to be. Through this, I will begin understand that no one has the right to label another human and to havetheir own expectations for them; I will begin to understand that everyone has the right to love one another for what another human being is and for what they can achieve.
Its good. Very poignant. lets see here...
... my younger brother grew up physically, but stayed young mentally as a child . Being young and naïve, I guessed that my brother just thought slowly ...
As I entered junior high, my parents began to expect that I would care more and more for my brother not just as an older sister, but as an adult as well .
... complain about my sibling, I was now the adult attempting to protectprotecting him from the same bullying ...
... but that they are capable to be anyone they desire to be . Through this, I will begin to understand that no one has the right to label another human orandto have their own expectations for them ...
- so for feedback, it sounds a bit colloquial. I tried to sweeten it up but if you disagree, all for it. You definitely answered the question.
If you simply state that you learned a lot by having to take care of an autistic brother, the reader will appreciate your meaning. The reader already has mental associations about this subject... so the reader will not be very receptive to your explanation. She thinks she already knows! Therefore, I suggest condensing this whole thing into about 4 sentences, and then use the rest of the space to tell something about YOUR personal philosophy and life-intentions... your aspirations.
Let the reader get excited about sending you along your path toward making a big contribution in the world. Get specific! :-)
