hii i know its long but i cant decide which rough idea to use to construct a really good essay. i would really appreciate it if someone put in their input! (yes i know i used some of the same analogies in both)
Until my high school years, I had never been given the opportunity to interact with children that have disabilities. This lack of exposure led to an unawareness of the daily struggles that these children and their families actually go through to complete what seem to be easy or common tasks to a healthy person. I was completely blind to this whole other world until my sophomore year in high school when all this changed and my eyes were opened, leaving me with an experience I will never forget and a burning determination to educate and help.
After hearing so much about the Special Olympics through the media, when my history teacher announced that he was offering a field trip to the Winter Special Olympics for those interested, I jumped at the chance to learn more and signed up. Pulling into the parking lot at the Mountain Creek Ski Resort a few months later, I figured that I would be given some technical job, such as handing out lunch or announcing events, uninvolved with the athletes. Upon entering the tent, however, I was immediately handed a yellow slip with a competitor's name, age, and disability and told that I would be spending the day with that person. A bit overwhelmed and beginning to get nervous, I scanned the information written on the sheet. I would be with an eight-year-old Autistic boy named Justin.
One of the women in charge brought me over to a table packed with energetic, babbling children. She pointed to one of the kids, quickly instructed, "His mittens are in his bag. Put them on him before he goes outside so that he doesn't get cold," and sped off to help the next person. She left me looking at very small African American boy sitting in a chair at the end of the table, peering up at me with big, brown eyes in silence. I began to talk to him and ask him questions but received only a stare in response. Those big eyes were the only part of his body that featured any sign of life and seemed to be his only way of communicating. I did not let this lack of communication discourage me, though. I continued to try different approaches for prompting answers from him, and found that he loved to smile. He didn't have a sheepish smile, the corners of the mouth curling up just a little like you would expect, though. This smile was the biggest and happiest smile I had ever seen, lighting up the room and eliciting a smile from anyone surrounding him. Accompanying his smile were his brightened eyes, seeming to scream his answer, "yes". We went through the day like this, me asking him questions and him either smiling or holding a straight face. Each smile was like a mini victory, his way of slowly accepting and gaining trust for me and I knew that I was close to a breakthrough with him.
For his last race, I put his gloves on and we headed out to the waiting area when he slipped his little hand into mine. I could not believe what I was seeing! This was his way of telling me that he liked me, he had accepted me, and that he was happy. For the rest of the day, he would not let his hand slip out of my grip, and I was even lucky enough to receive a voluntary hug when it was time to depart.
On the bus ride home I could not stop beaming, knowing that I had made a breakthrough with Justin and given him a day that he had enjoyed so much. Those big brown eyes of his had sparked something inside of me, a small flame telling me that I must get involved and help spread awareness for Autism. I immediately joined the Autism Speaks club at my school, becoming a member of the board not long after. Over the past two years, this flame has been enkindled as I have fed it through getting involved in various events and is now a conflagration of passion for this cause. Along with the record amount of students I helped recruit, I have trained and become a certified Pathways mentor, allowing me to work with Autistic children through events that this organization holds. With the help of Justin, I have discovered a real passion for working with Autistic kids and doing whatever it takes to bring a little bit of joy to their day. There is no better feeling than making a breakthrough, small or large, and watching a child leave with a smile on his or her face, knowing that you helped put it there. The children that I have worked with are some of the most amazing, inspiring people I have ever met, and to be able to help them live as close to a normal life as possible is one of my proudest accomplishments.
OR
In today's world of increasing awareness for sports injuries and prevention, the term "concussion" is not one greeted with open-arms by many. Having suffered from three concussions, I am certainly one to advocate for just how terrible and life-altering these injuries can be. However, I have begun to see my concussion in a new light, and have come to be somewhat grateful for this injury. I like to think of my concussion as the seed that, after being planted, became responsible for the birth and growth of a new branch of my life that is now a very important part of me.
Each concussion meant numerous trips to the doctor, and each of these trips further increased my appreciation for this doctor. I became fascinated with the field of neuroscience, specifically with the study of concussion prevention and research. These visits to the neuroscience department of the hospital conceived a spark in me that was begging to be fed, enkindling with each log tossed in.
The first log tossed into my fire was being given the opportunity to shadow a doctor. This meant that I would arrive in the morning when the office opened and spend the day observing each of his patient visits. After completing my first day of shadowing there was no turning back; I was hooked. I left the office buzzing with new information that I had learned, eager to share it with my family and friends. I had gotten my first taste of the medical world, and my internal fire craved more.
From here, I got involved in volunteering at the hospital; this was the second log tossed into my fire. Volunteering opened up a broader view into the medical profession as a whole, instead of just in the field of neuroscience. I was able to get a feel for a typical hospital environment and being around one on a daily basis. I also had the privilege of getting a behind-the-scenes look at the different departments that make up a hospital, from the emergency room to chemotherapy to the blood blank and laboratory. After learning my way around the hospital, it became like a second home to me. I started to love coming in, I enjoyed being around such intelligent doctors and impressive equipment. Even though I was at the bottom of the medical food chain, I was filled with a sense of importance. Each time I left the hospital, I was already looking forward to the next time that I would be back. This experience has opened up my eyes and has led me to expand my interests from just concussions to considering every type of specialist, yet to decide my favorite field.
The third log was tossed in when I received a letter in the mail inviting me to apply for the Explorer Program. This program selects eager high school students with an interest in a career in the medical field to be a part of a club that holds monthly meetings designated to a particular medical career. Each meeting involves a lecture from someone in a certain field, as well as a tour of their department. Other privileges include watching surgeries and seeing restricted access equipment and rooms that a typical teenager would never get to see. This program has really aided me in narrowing down which fields I might be interested in, and which fields I can cross off my list. At the same time, it has helped to further educate me and provide me with rare experiences.
What started as just a tiny spark of curiosity is now a conflagration of passion and ambition. If I had never received a concussion, I most likely never would have sparked this fire that now drives me toward a goal. These experiences each hold an important part in my schedule and heart, and have even helped to shape me into the person that I am today. I have come away from them with a brand-new outlook on my life and new ambitions that I am determined to reach, eventually being able to practice the career I love for a living. I believe that because I am now able to turn such a negative event in my life into a positive thing, my mentality has changed in everything I do. There is good in every situation, every occurrence. Sometimes it just takes a little digging and a closer look to see it.
First of all, you are a fabulous writer! Excellent essays, in my opinion :) You have a confident, mature, and descriptive style of writing that really shows your personality. I love both essays, so if I had to chose which one to use for your application, I would chose the first essay. I try to imagine myself as an admissions official who is reading this, and the first essay is a bit more "eye-catching". Also, the essay has a "story" format that getts your attention, then keeps you interested til the end. It is touching... One thing that you may want to change is when you say "...to be able to help them live as close to a normal life as possible is one of my proudest accomplishments." I think that you should omit the phrase "normal life" and try something else... maybe say "help them live their life to the fullest, or the most successful life", or something like that. I wish you lots of luck in school, any college would be lucky to have you as a student :)
