Here is what I have, so far. I know it's over the word limit and I'm going to cut it down. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
While picking a college, I have strived to find a university which can best suit my own needs, while, at the same time, expose me to an unfamiliar setting where I can be challenged. FSU is a university which I know can help me expand my horizons as a student and at the same time I can maintain my traditions and customs as a Jewish American.
Throughout my life, I resisted religion because I desired more to blend in than to stand out and risk being different. Despite having two grandparents who survived the holocaust while keeping their faith in G-d, I rejected Judaism and instead opted to assimilate because it seemed easier. I had a basic Jewish education in my Sunday school but my religious devotion seemed to peak at my Bar Mitzvah and then drop off. Although I knew many of the traditions and customs, for the majority of my life I acted in any way I could to pull away and reject Judaism.
Partially out of curiosity but mostly at my parent's insistence, I went to Israel for the first time this past summer. Having few friends who were Jewish, it was a very unique experience being with a group of all Jews and in a country with a Jewish majority. Ay first I was skeptical but thankfully I kept an open mind and decided to hold my judgment on the trip until after seeing a few sites on our bus tour of Israel.
All it took was the first stop where we entered the old city in Jerusalem, the site of one of the holiest places in Judaism, the Western Wall. The Western Wall is the last remaining wall of a holy Jewish temple which was destroyed about 2,000 years ago. I immediately felt an unexpected emotional connection to this wall and a few of us even started to cry. As I walked to the wall, a rabbi pulled me to the side along with my new friends and had us put on tefillin, leather straps and boxes which contained ancient Hebrew prayers. We said the prayers he gave us in English and as I did, I envisioned my ancestors praying just as I was, three thousand years ago. To put it lightly, it was quite unique compared to my past experiences I had with Judaism.
When I got back to America, I knew it would be important to not forget what I experienced in Israel. My parents were both surprised and overjoyed when, for the first time, I was the one who suggested we go to services. Now I continue to make an effort to go to services on the Jewish Sabbath every Saturday. Judaism is full of many ancient traditions and customs which I always try to learn as much as I can about and, if I can, bring them into my own life.
At FSU, I know that no matter how I want to explore Judaism and maintain the traditions, I will be in a beneficial environment. I have heard good things about FSU's Jewish Student Union and Jewish Studies courses which will allow me to experience both a solid Jewish and secular education. I look forward to hopefully attending FSU and being able to celebrate all the Jewish holidays with other students who are passionate about Judaism.
this is a great essay but try to bring out some of your academic strengths and other skills you have, incorporate them and you'll be set! i'm also applying to fsu, best of luck!
While picking a college, I have ... expand my horizons as a student and at the same time I can maintain my traditions and customs as a Jewish American.
This intro is kind of uneventful. It does not really say anything that makes me know who you are. If you said you wanted to attend FSU because the head of the psych department wrote a book that was very meaningful to you... then that would really tell me something. Or if you told me your goal was to follow in the footsteps of your grandmother and become an elementary school teacher in Florida, that would really tell me something. But this intro does not say much. And how is FSU better for a Jewish person than another school?
...at my
parent's parents' insistence, I went to Israel for the first time this past summer.
Ay At first I was ...
All i
t took for me to ______ _______ _______ was the first stop ...
This is very thoughtful, but I don't see how it fulfills the vires artes and mores part of the prompt!
:-) Can you tie it into one of those virtues? Mores, perhaps?
