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Looking back on your high school years - Essay for Ashoka University


Prompt: If you were to look back on your high school years, what advice would you give to someone beginning his or her high school years?

This is very urgent as I have to submit this in 24 hours. I will be online all the time, and promise to review your essay if you review mine!

Dear Young 'Un,

I know you feel you know everything and do not need anyone's advice, but they will not admit me into college if I do not post this. So here is some unsolicited advice that will hopefully make your journey through high school a little more enjoyable.

(i) Drugs, drinks, and cigarettes bring only ephemeral pleasure. Respect your body, and avoid them like the plague.

(ii) They say you are the average of your seven closest friends. Surround yourself with good people and pick up their best practices.

(iii) High school drama is just that. In a few years, most of it will be forgotten.

(iv) If you want something really bad, go for it like a madman. Wake up at 5 am for cricket practice, spend late nights preparing for math Olympiads, travel across town to take acting lessons. A hard day's night brings sweet dreams.

(v) Do not procrastinate - learn to structure your time. At the same time, have patience and learn to enjoy putting time and effort into your work.

(vi) There is no shame in asking for help. Most of your friends will be going through the same changes in life as you.

(vii) Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you. I have had four cavities filled over the past two years due to stupid soft drinks - do not let this happen to you! Either give up sugar-rich foods, or start flossing.

(viii) Most importantly, MINE LITECOINS! Bitcoins can only be mined by expensive ASICs, but there is still hope. Right now Litecoins are going for about $8 a coin, so even if you make five coins every month, you would be richer by $40. If you are tempted to cash out when they hit $10 or $20, DON'T! Look me up after four years and send across a couple of million dollars to your visionary well-wisher.

Write to Ashoka University, and let them know how I have selflessly taken time out of my busy schedule to help an up and coming student like yourself.

Hopefully your new friend,
Shlok Gilda

I can definitely relate to this essay! I think this is fine. No big corrections to be made. I made one edit for a comma, and that's it. Enjoyed reading it!

Dear Young 'Un,

I know you feel you know everything and do not need anyone's advice, but they will not admit me into college if I do not post this. So here is some unsolicited advice that will hopefully make your journey through high school a little more enjoyable.

(i) Drugs, drinks, and cigarettes bring only ephemeral pleasure. Respect your body, and avoid them like the plague.

(ii) They say you are the average of your seven closest friends. Surround yourself with good people and pick up their best practices.

(iii) High school drama is just that. In a few years, most of it will be forgotten.

(iv) If you want something really bad, go for it like a madman. Wake up at 5 am for cricket practice, spend late nights preparing for math Olympiads, travel across town to take acting lessons. A hard day's night brings sweet dreams.

(v) Do not procrastinate - learn to structure your time. At the same time, have patience and learn to enjoy putting time and effort into your work.

(vi) There is no shame in asking for help. Most of your friends will be going through the same changes in life as you.

(vii) Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you. I have had four cavities filled over the past two years due to stupid soft drinks - do not let this happen to you! Either give up sugar-rich foods, no comma needed after foods or start flossing.

(viii) Most importantly, MINE LITECOINS! Bitcoins can only be mined by expensive ASICs, but there is still hope. Right now Litecoins are going for about $8 a coin, so even if you make five coins every month, you would be richer by $40. If you are tempted to cash out when they hit $10 or $20, DON'T! Look me up after four years and send across a couple of million dollars to your visionary well-wisher.

Write to Ashoka University, and let them know how I have selflessly taken time out of my busy schedule to help an up and coming student like yourself.

Hopefully your new friend,
Shlok Gilda
Hey Matthew!

Thanks a bunch for your reviews of all three of my essays. They were EXTREMELY helpful!!

If you don't mind, could you please review this last one as well?

Prompt - Mention the fondest achievements of your high school and why you rate them so. 2000 characters. I am almost at the limit.

My fondest memory of high school takes me back to the ninth grade. My English teacher, Mrs. LOLPROF, had given us an essay prompt for a creative writing exercise. Near the end of the class she called me to the front, and announced in front of everyone that my essay was the best she had read from a ninth grader in years. As a token of appreciation she gave me her Park Avenue ink pen, and later nominated my name for a district level creative writing competition. Although I cannot remember the topic of the essay, that immense feeling of pride and accomplishment still remains with me. It was the first time that my creation, an extension of my imagination, was deemed worthy of public recognition! It was a sensation like no other, and something that has helped me appreciate the importance of hard work.

Later that year, I took part in a national level science competition called Iken Scientifica, which had a total participation of about three lakhs. After clearing the school and district level phases, I had the opportunity to represent my school at the national level, which was held at IIT Powai. If the chance to test one's mettle within the sacrosanct walls of one of our finest institutions - and being filmed by the National Geographic Channel doing so - was not enough, I also stood tenth all over India and was awarded a netbook and a cash prize of rupees fifteen thousand!

The final event that I want to share is quite recent. About a month back the results of the Advance Section of the Joint Engineering Entrance examination - for admission into the Indian Institute ofTechnologies - were declared and I learnt that I had successfully cleared it. While only one among thousands, for someone who contemplated not even taking the test less than four months ago, spent many crucial weeks revising and re-revising Common-App applications, studying for the SAT's, Subject SAT's and TOEFL, not to mention grade twelfth mid-semester tests, this is an immense personal victory.
You're welcome!!! I just have some grammatical corrections. I was originally going to comment that the ending seemed a little abrupt, but the prompt does not really allow you to create an essay with a unifying message/theme that you can tie it back to, so I'm not sure how you would fix that. Maybe that's just me though.

My fondest memory of high school takes me back to the ninth grade. My English teacher, Mrs. LOLPROF, had given us an essay prompt for a creative writing exercise. Near the end of the class (insert comma) she called me to the front, (remove comma) and announced in front of everyone that my essay was the best she had read from a ninth grader in years. As a token of appreciation (insert comma) she gave me her Park Avenue ink pen, (remove comma) and later nominated my name for a district level creative writing competition. Although I cannot remember the topic of the essay, that immense feeling of pride and accomplishment still remains with me. It was the first time that my creation, an extension of my imagination, was deemed worthy of public recognition! It was a sensation like no other, (remove comma) and something (replace "something" with "an experience") that has helped me appreciate the importance of hard work.

Later that year, I took part in a national level science competition called Iken Scientifica, which had a total participation of about three lakhs. After clearing the school and district level phases, I had the opportunity to represent my school at the national level, which was held at IIT Powai. If the chance to test one's mettle within the sacrosanct walls of one of our finest institutions - and being filmed by the National Geographic Channel doing so - was not enough, I also stood tenth all over India and was awarded a netbook and a cash prize of rupees fifteen thousand!

The final event that I want to share is quite recent. About a month back ("About a month ago,") the results of the Advance Section of the Joint Engineering Entrance examination - for admission into the Indian Institute ofTechnologies - were declared and I learnt that I had successfully cleared it. While only one among thousands, for someone who contemplated not even taking the test less than four months ago, spent many crucial weeks revising and re-revising Common-App applications, studying for the SAT's, Subject SAT's and TOEFL, not to mention grade twelfth mid-semester tests, this is an immense personal victory.


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