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Back to Square one my Personal Essay for the Common App (background, identity, interest)


MaxM 1 / 1  
Dec 24, 2015   #1
Hi guys and Merry Christmas!
This is my personal essay, I've worked on it with my school counselor and we managed to get the essay to speak out my intended message correctly. The thing is now that after reading it again it feels a little dry or not emotional enough, maybe I'm overthinking it either way I would love to have your input on my essay.

Thanks

Back to Square one

There's a lot to be said against living a nomadic lifestyle in the twenty first century. I've been to places most describe as dangerous and unpredictable like Iraq and Lebanon, and, on multiple occasions, I've left a country on the verge of a war. While exploring the world is exciting and makes for great stories, there is a darker side to it all. Whenever my family and I moved, we came knocking at the doors of a new people, a new environment, and most often a new language. Every time we entered a new territory, I had to start from square one all over again.

The first two weeks in a new country were always the hardest. We would usually spend that time looking for a new place to call home albeit for a short while. With a lot of effort, I'd work up from being the "new kid" to being part of a group I belonged to both at school and in my community. But in the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't last. I would be boarding a plane leaving behind all the experiences I had and all the people I befriended, thinking I'd never see them again. Leaving was always the hardest part. As time went by and this anxiety inducing routine repeated itself, I could only grow to despise a lifestyle others seemed to envy! They obviously knew nothing of the actual difficulties of going through such cultural shifts over and over again. To me, it was all turning into a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.

Looking back on things now, I see my upbringing through more mature and appreciative eyes. I'm extremely grateful for what I went through. I now realize the positive impact this lifestyle had on my personal development. It rubbed off on my day to day activities, hobbies, and decisions. Because I was forced into so many different new surroundings as a child, I have developed a deep curiosity for all things unknown and novel. I have learned not to fear change but rather embrace it. That is the greatest boon I could have been offered.

Every single aspect of life and every domain fascinates me. I couldn't just play video games but had to learn how they were made and how to program. I even had to know how my computer worked and built my own. I believe this all started with the thrill of learning a new language. Hundreds of times, curiosity to completely unrelated domains dragged me head first into new fields with a "Do It Yourself" mentality and many instructive failures along the way. My tendency towards explorations took me on a fascinating journey. I represented my school at the Global Classrooms Model United Nations where I spoke in front of hundreds of people. It took me from learning to cook for my family to being head of the school newspaper.

I found a common denominator in everything I did. Any venture I set out on had a business aspect to it. Doing business is the most human activity we partake in, something that transcends borders. As I started to get hooked I looked deeper and found finance as the gear moving things forward in every domain. Finance is the only platform that is interdisciplinary and perfectly fits my profile. As a finance professional I could apply my skills in different industries artistic, scientific, or social. What else could I need?

Although being a beginner most of the time can bring you down, it can also forge you stronger. I chose the latter, and now I can't spend a single day without some challenge that will teach me something practical. I am hoping to get accepted at a top tier international higher education institution where I can fulfill my ambitions and forge lasting friendships. That would be the greatest venture yet.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Dec 25, 2015   #2
Hey MaxM

It was a good essay, but still I think you can add more flavor to it by these changes. I hope you won't mind:

Looking back on things((Do not say things, from my experience I learned never to say this word. Try to replace it with word like: experiences/life/...you can write whatever you want. ) now, I see my upbringing through more mature and appreciative eyes.

... have developed a deep curiosity for all things unknown and novel.
OP MaxM 1 / 1  
Dec 25, 2015   #3
Thanks for your feedback I really appreciate it, you're right about using the word "things", replacing it added some dimension to the essay.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Dec 25, 2015   #4
Yes , I am right about it and it will make your essay more informative. I learned here only by getting feedbacks on my essays. You can just remember this not to use the word in professional essays. :)


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