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My background and how the passing of a parent has shaped me today as a student/person.


kaldenjorkhang 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2015   #1
Parents are the ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a greater influence on a child than the parent. As a child my fondest memories were ones which I shared with my own parents. I love my parents and couldn't ask for a stronger relationship than the one I share now. But who would have thought that the one thing that would mark the beginning of my path; my journey from an adolescent to an adult would be the loss of my mother.

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a nicer day in the month of September, Sunday the 18th to be exact. The previous night, my family and I had been up late taking care of my now bedridden mother whose condition worsened on a daily basis. Originally, she was suppose to be in hospice care but my father and grandparents believed that it would be best if she came home and was with us. Waking up that morning I realized that there was a lot of commotion going on around the house as family members and close friends spoke to each other in hushed tones. Already I felt that something was wrong. I walked over to the other room where my mother was in and saw my dad next to her; holding her hand. Silently, I watched and waited for a reaction or a sign of emotion from him. After a what seemed like an eternity, I sat down opposite to my dad and held on to her right hand. At that moment I watched as my mother, the women who gave me life, shudder her last breath. The rest of that day was a blur. I don't remember anything but crying and the feeling of sadness taking over my whole body.

At first, I hated myself. I hated myself for not being the perfect son to a woman who deserved nothing less. Throughout life I felt I did nothing but disappoint my mother and now that she's gone, I had no way of making it up to her. As time progressed, I realized that it's not too late. She may not be physically on this earth but her spirit always be within my father, my brother, and I. That is when I realized that now is when I become the person who my mother always told me I would grow up to be.

From that day onwards, a small flame lit inside of me. I had a drive, a focus, and mentality that completely changed me as a person. I found myself thinking and doing things that I never had before. I felt motivated to prove myself in this world and strive for greatness. I was not a kid anymore. No longer was I the young, naive, and immature person that people perceived me to be. In school, I would work harder on assignments and study harder for tests. When it came to my health, I would eat better and work harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Most importantly, I found myself becoming a much better and much more true role model through example for my younger brother who is everything to me.

The loss of my mother was devastating and I would do anything to have even one more minute to spend with her. Despite this, the loss of my mother has helped me to develop into the person I am today; a person who I am much prouder of than I was before.
Silotolis 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2015   #2
Good essay. Well written intro. I would evaluate more on the conclusion -- how does this tie back into YOU? How did the passing of your mother affect and change your own inner personality?
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 30, 2015   #3
Kalden, as I read through your essay, I don't see the need of the last two sentences to be separated from the final paragraph.

The last two sentences does not have the capacity of idea or thought to handle a paragraph by itself.
I suggest merging the sentences with the final paragraph with the following enhancement;

- The loss of my mother was devastating and I would do anything to have even one morewhatever it takes to have a minute to spend with her. Despite this, theHer loss of my mother has helped me to develop into the person I am today; a person who I am much prouder of than I was before.proud to have become.

There you have it Kalden, I hope my little modification helped.


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