Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

Background story - Coming to America


OneStorytoTell 2 / 3 1  
Dec 23, 2013   #1
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Please make corrections harshly and if you can find strong vocabulary for the word I have please mention so I can replace it. This is the essay I send to all of the college so I want it perfectly. Thank you so much for all of you who made corrections in advance. Effort really appricieated!!!!

It was just few days before Thanksgiving. Some chilling winds softly blew against my face and the temperature -couple degrees below ordinary - didn't feel like it belonged to the season of November. My whole body felt sort of numbness from sitting on the plane for unusually long period of time. I just flew fifteen hours of flight from Narita (Japanese National Airport) to Ronald Reagan (Airport in Washington D.C.). I was still excited from seeing the Washington Monument and the White House from the rectangular window of the plane while still on the sky. I finally felt arriving to U.S. just because I saw national symbols that represented America even though the plane already had flew into U.S air space five hours ago. My mom told me that the person who is going to pick us up from the airport is stuck on traffic, so we will be spending few hours in the airport. I was stroke by irresistible feeling to spend U.S currency when I saw few quarters in my mom's hand. I asked her if I can buy something with the money she has and she told me to buy drinks for my sister too. I clearly remember what I said to the lady over the counter till this day. I asked her if she can give me a "Coca-Cola". When she asked what size, I didn't know the word medium, so I used my hands to express what size I wanted. That was the first English I spoke to an American.

If I recount that incident, it was nearly five years ago. Other than knowing only names of few famous international brands, I completely didn't know how to speak English. Thanks to god Coca-Cola being the universal language. The first school I enrolled, fortunately, had special English program for foreign new comers. In the classroom, the teacher taught us the most basic English from alphabets to greetings. The classroom was like the one in the kindergarten. Not only because it was beautifully embellished, but only the simplest English words fly across the room. Even with the simplest English she taught us, I struggled learning it. At the time, I already spoke three languages: Japanese, Chinese, and French. Somehow, I thought I was a genius with languages but English totally stroke me back. The grammars were the mirror of the languages I learned. I remember my English teacher being very proud when I said, "I love Japanese food" instead of what I usually said to her "Japanese food I love."

After spending a year, I and my family moved to a different state. The high school I was about to join only had ESOL program and asked me if I wanted to join, if so plan to take a test to prove that I am ready for the level. When I gave that English proficiency exam, I thought it was hard. There were no ABC I learned in previous school on it, instead words like tremble and bizarre. Of course that being the hardest part of the test, I still passed the exam. I was officially enrolled into public school with regular kids raised in the U.S. I was welcomed by the students but I couldn't respond them back properly with the shallow English vocabulary I knew. Day after day, my English vocabulary steadily increased. I remember being so happy the first time I got honor added to my English class on my sophomore year. That same year, I also began to take Spanish.

Few weeks ago, I again had to prove my English proficiency for the colleges I'm applying. Only difference is, this time, I said with full satisfaction, "It was easy." Most people amazed by the story I tell them. Although English comes to them as snap of a finger, I have to go through a lot of translation in my head. This essay demonstrates what I have learned over the past four years. The trip I made and path I took certainly identifies me. Isn't life all about choices? If anyone asks me "Are you glad you came to America?" I would answer without hesitation "It was the best choice I've made".

ibrahimsf 2 / 4  
Dec 24, 2013   #2
Last paragraph. It should be "Most people are amazed by the story I tell them."
I think replace 'would' with 'will' to show that you are VERY MUCH happy with your decision
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 19, 2014   #3
My mom told me that the person who is going to pick us up from the airport is stuck on traffic, so we will be spending few hours in the airport.

My mom told me the person who was supposed to pick us from the airport would be late by a few hours as he had got stuck in the trafic.

When she asked what size, I didn't know the word medium, so I used my hands to express what size I wanted. That was the first English I spoke to an American.

When she asked what size, I didn't know the word "Medium", so I expressed the bottle size with my hands. That was the first time I spoke English.

I was still excited from seeing the Washington Monument...

I feel this section is a bit too detailed. You can remove some of its parts that do not contribute much.


Home / Undergraduate / Background story - Coming to America