BAD History - Explaining Academic Dismissal

Have you ever been found responsible for a disciplinary violation at any educational institution you have attended from the 9th grade (or the international equivalent) forward, whether related to academic misconduct or behavioral misconduct, that resulted in a disciplinary action? These actions could include, but are not limited to: probation, suspension, removal, dismissal, or expulsion from the institution.

If you answered yes to either or both questions, please upload a letter that gives the approximate date of each incident, explains the circumstances, and reflects on what you learned from the experience.

Essay:

Every trace of color seeped from my face, and a low, anguished moan of disbelief escaped my ashen lips. "We regret to inform you, due to the academic requirement at XYZ, you have failed to maintain a GPA of a 2.0, and as a result have been academically dismissed..." Bleakly I stared at screen and felt as if my ability to function, had abandoned me. A tear slid down my cheek, followed by another, and I hunched my shoulders and bowed my head and began to cry.

I have often felt deep pangs of sadness as I think about that moment in my life. It has been a long challenging journey since December 18, 2011, when I received the news of my academic dismissal. Since then, the road has not been easy, but my love for education has always been consistent, and these trials were things have shaped me to who I am today.

Four weeks after school began, I received a phone call on a Friday night, from my mother; and even before she began to speak, I felt a sense of dread and knew something wasn't right. My mother crying hysterically explained to me that she had just been laid off from her job as a school janitor and didn't know what to do. Everything around me just froze, my fear confirmed, thoughts were whirling in my head, "When did this happen, are my siblings ok, who was going to pay rent, electric bills, insurance"? I felt the world closing on me and with a sense of sickness in my stomach; I knew in my head that I was going to be responsible to provide for my family. With a sudden thickness circling my throat, hoarsely, I reassured her that everything would be ok and I'll help out with what I could.

Finding myself with two jobs in order to provide for my family and dealing with a full academic schedule, I didn't know who to speak to about my situation. I didn't know how to go about opening the issue with my peers or faculty members, I felt ashamed; I didn't want others to pity me. I was always used to shouldering responsibility, being the oldest of four, and a translator of my mother's affairs, it was foreign to ask for help when I was always on the other end. Stress got the best of me and soon my grades began to slip, and before I could even blink, I found myself on academic dismissal. Numb to my surroundings, I didn't know how to react. I took this as a sign that I was not meant be here, I was meant to be home, with my family. So I packed my bags and closed the chapter of my life at XYZ. I realize that the time was not right for me and I was not ready for college. In accepting that, it was then I had the ability to move on.

I enrolled at my local community college and cautiously began to start on my academic career, and piece back my life together. Still providing for my mother I worked, but also went to school. I knew in my head that I could not give up on education because I understood it would be my only way out to a better life. As time wore on, I began to regain confidence in my academic ability and my life at home was steady once again, I secured my mom a job and became more involved in my community.

I understand that my road is not an easy one and it was only going to get harder. I have accepted that and if anything it has only made me work even harder for my dreams. No one ever said the road to an education would be an easy one. What I learned was that the most important lesson is the courage to continue when you think you have nothing left that defines whom you will be. I admit my past is not perfect and probably never will be, but I am taking that chance to fight for my goals and dreams. I am taking the risk of fighting something for what I dearly love, something that has been my best friend and the only thing that I found comfort in, something that can never be replaced, and that is my education.

Reader:
I would like to know your thoughts and feelings in this essay. I would like you to put yourself in my shoes and also in the shoes of the admissions officer. Do you think that I have learned from my mistakes? Did I answer the question? Is it too long?

This essay is thoughtful, well written, and (the first paragraph especially) makes it easy to put myself in your shoes and "feel your pain", so to speak. Judging by the quality of your writing, I would say that you have no excuse for poor grades :). The only improvement I could suggest is to possibly shorten it up a bit. While it is well written, it can become verbose to the point of awkwardness at times. Otherwise, well done!

bellacose
thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it, but I also wanted to ask where would I be able to shorten up? I do agree that it does sound a little wordy and I've been thinking about eliminating the first two paragraphs, but I don't know whether or not I will lose substance in the essay. If you have any suggestions regarding that I will greatly appreciate it :)

Didgeridoo
thank you so much for your input, i'll definitely implement some these changes into the essay. I'll show you the revised version when I am done I will upload it, but thank you

What? This shocks me. The quality of your writing surpasses the quality of A LOT of essays applying to harvard or yale. Your essay would definitely stand out if you have stronger grades now. But as regards to the essay, it is very touching.

I like the essay. The only change I would suggest is perhaps you could give the background information on why you were dismissed prior to you bringing up how you found out about the dismissal. I think it'd be best to tell the story in chronological order.

Wow, somedaysoon! I checked out your account after you helped me out with my essay, which led me to your post and can I just say, I love the way you write! Your essay seems really perfect! Didgeridoo got a lot of the corrections pointed out, but I just want to say that you deserve to get into whatever you're applying for! This essay shows your intelligence, despite the grades you got since you had to help your family. If I were an admissions officer, I would definitely think that the grades you earned weren't able to reflect your true intellectual capacity after reading this wonderful essay of yours. About your experience, I'm really proud of you for making it through! I'm sure you're going to go far one day!

With two jobs and a full academic schedule to provide for my family,

Working two jobs to support my family, as well having as a full academic schedule,

A lesson that has always stuck to me was that, to have the courage to continue when you think you have nothing left, will determine who you will become.

A lesson that has always stuck with me was that having the courage to continue, even when you think you have nothing left, will determine who you become.

Looks good otherwise!

Thank you all for your feedback I appreciate it