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My bad points (laziness) too bad? Common application short answer essay


hyein101 2 / 4  
Aug 17, 2010   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

I admit that I was not the most diligent volunteer teacher for the three new Korean girls who attended our church. With vastly differing level gaps between them, I found that I had to conduct two different classes in the same period of time.I shied away from the workload because I was, frankly, lazy. At our first lesson, they stopped me at every other word, asking questions about why a word was used in that way, why it was spelled so strangely. At first I was irked with their constant questions, but I soon realized that they truly had a profound interest in perfecting their understanding of English. I saw their resolute and remembered the zeal that I used to have towards learning. After that first lesson, I slowly found myself reviving a love of learning and teaching. Ironically, as a teacher, I have learned more from my students than I have ever taught them. I learned that hard work is required to accomplish anything and that you should never underestimate the vehemence of three elementary school girls.

I feel like the essay is highlighting my bad points (laziness), how should I edit it to make myself more presentable? Thanks.
cj409 1 / 2  
Aug 17, 2010   #2
Instead of saying you shied away from the workload because you were lazy I would say something like "I shied away from the workload, frankly, because I did not realize when I volunteered to teach the three girls how challenging it would initially be." That sets you up to "overcome" a hurtle - which looks good to both prospective employers and colleges.
OP hyein101 2 / 4  
Aug 17, 2010   #3
Oh, that's a good idea :]
Thanks for your input~

Edited:
I admit that I initially was not the most diligent volunteer teacher for the three new Korean girls who attended our church. With vastly differing level gaps between them, I found that I had to conduct two different classes in the same period of time.I shied away from the workload because I did not realize how challenging it would be. At our first lesson, they stopped me at every other word, asking questions about why a word was used in that way, why it was spelled so strangely. At first I was irked with their constant questions, but I soon realized that they truly had a profound interest in perfecting their understanding of English. I saw their resolute and remembered the zeal that I used to have towards learning. After that first lesson, I slowly found myself reviving a love of learning and teaching. Ironically, as a teacher, I have learned more from my students than I have taught them. I learned that hard work is required to accomplish anything and that you should never underestimate the vehemence of three elementary school girls.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 19, 2010   #4
I think the use of "lazy" is not a good idea. You do not have to say that about yourself.

I admit that I initially was not the most diligent I am fortunate to have a clear memory of the experience that sparked my interest in teaching language. I was a volunteer teacher for the three new Korean girls who attended our church. With vastly ...

I learned that hard work is required to accomplish anything and that you should never underestimate the vehemence of three elementary school girls. --- this is cute. I think you can replace "hard work is required to accomplish..." with something that is not so cliche.

I like this story, and in general I think it is very good! But can you make it about a learning experience rather than about 'laziness?'


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