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MY BAG - Stanford Supplement/What matters to you?


chewbaccablack 6 / 18 3  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Hey guys, I would really appreciate it if you could help me. I will promise to look at yours

I have a bag that I have used for almost four years. My parents gave it to me as a present for becoming a legitimate freshmen in Trinidad and Tobago. I was happy because my old Nike bag was torn apart by the sharp corners of textbooks that continuously rubbed against the bag.

I still remember the first day I packed my new bag with school materials. The new yet stiff bag seemed to hold extra textbooks and two more notebooks that I used to carry with my hands. I was so happy. To me, having more books in the bag meant heavier load, but it gave me an impression that I finally became old enough to pursue a higher degree in academics. With the high expectations of high school and the new challenge I would face, I enthusiastically walked to school wearing this bag.

But time passed. I moved to Libya, stayed there for a year, and evacuated to Turkey. I had to live with my mother since my dad had to stay in Libya. Because of my dad's absence, my mother and I had trouble adapting to the new environment. Also, my new school's classes were much more challenging compared to the one in Libya. It had more course work and competition. So with the increased competition and all the trouble (adapting), I started to get frustrated with school. So one day, when I came home after school, I threw my bag on my bed, sat down on my seat, and opened my laptop to play games. However, I felt uncomfortable. I did not know why. In an attempt to find the cause, I looked around, and my eyes stopped at the bag.

I suddenly remembered my first day with the bag in Trinidad: walking to school eagerly and enthusiastically, yearning to learn new ideas and concepts. Since that day, I have grown both physically and mentally, but my attitude towards learning did not. To me, the bag symbolized my passion for academics. Throwing my bag meant that I mistreated and abandoned academics. I felt horrible. That is when I thought I should return to my old self and start fresh with the feelings and expectations towards learning. Since then, I have taken my bag everywhere to remind myself. Eventually, I overcame my stress and started to focus on studying. I thank my bag all the time. Without it, I would not be where I am right now. I hope it guides me in college.

silly278 2 / 9  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
trouble (adapting)

May be use another word, like "challenge".

Since that day, I have grown both physically and mentally, but my attitude towards learning did not.

quite confusing. rephrase it.

That is when I thought I should return to my old self

i could recommend not using "old self". Show them with this experience you became more determined to study than your "old self"

Eventually, I overcame my stress and started to focus on studying.

stress? may be use something like challenge . something with a . and here you are basically telling them. try to like show it with some things you did to overcame it. like you started spending extra hours with the books, you started exploring out of your comfort zone and made friends which eventually helped you adapt more easily.
headshot0313 7 / 15 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
Thank you for reading my essay~

Although my English is not so good, buy one of my feelings for your essay is that:
If you review your essay vertically, you would find the head of almost every paragraph is I. Maybe you could change your sentence structure properly.~


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