Hello! I am currently wrapping up my application, and I would really appreciate some feedback on my short answer essay. It still needs a bit of work, so any help would be great! Thank you in advance.
B.) The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community? (250-500 words)
Balut. I refused to try it. My cousins are next to me, happily snacking, while I shake my head in horror. Balut is a popular Filipino delicacy: boiled fertilized duck embryo. My cousins and I had just stopped by a neighborhood street market, and me being the "American", was encouraged to try something new. I was less than thrilled, but quickly realized this would be my only opportunity. I grabbed an egg, and studied it for a moment. Ignoring the sly grins on my cousin's faces, I took a bite. It was actually pretty good.
Most of my life has been a process of getting to know my culture. I was born in America, while my parents grew up in the Philippines. They would often try to teach me about Filipino customs, but I was a stubborn little girl. I was convinced that culture was not important due to my experiences at school. My elementary school was hardly diverse, and I always felt out of place. I was the only student with dark hair and a weird, hard to pronounce, last name. I would often get teased and laughed at for being different. It caused me to be ashamed of who I was. At that point, I wanted nothing to do with my culture.
During the summer of my freshman year, my grandmother offered to take me to the Philippines. I was reluctant at first, but decided that I should take a chance. To my surprise, the two months spent there will become some of my fondest memories. When I arrived, I was immediately greeted with warm hugs from my extended family members. They were eager to show me around the town. Most of all they wanted me to experience my parent's country, one that I was desperate to understand. It definitely worked. My days were spent exploring, trying new foods, and ending the day watching the beautiful sunset . I felt foolish to have completely shut out a culture that was so unique. Sure, everything was different from my American life, but I believe that is what made it special.
A small trip to the Philippines has changed my whole perspective on culture. I went from a person who was extremely insecure, to someone who is now confident with her identity. As a child, I never gave my culture a chance. I am blessed that I was able to grow as a person from this experience. Diversity is now something I highly value, and I try to keep an open mind wherever I go. I am enthusiastic about bringing my experiences to the University of Washington. I hope to be able to listen to stories from everyone I meet, while sharing a few of my own.
I can happily say Balut is now one of my favorite Filipino treats. It never would have been, until I tried it. (480 words)
The third sentence is in present, change it to past tense so it's consistent.
I would change the intro and say something like this
Balut. It is a popular Filipino delicacy but to foreigners, it is a boiled fertilized duck embryo. Sometimes it contains baby ducks with oncoming feathers fdidajsoijf(describe it)...While my Filipino cousins sat next to me happily snacking on balut, I shook my head in horror. I refused to try it.
