Hello this is my first draft essay for the UC personal essay prompt #2. Would you mind giving your opinion about my essay? Grammar check would be good too.
UC Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Like every other typical Asian kids, I was forced to get instrumental lesson when I was little. Five years ago, my dad sent me to get guitar lesson, so I could start play guitar at church. From the previous experience of getting piano lesson, I thought I would hate it. But one day, I went to friend's revival service. There I saw their youth band leader leading the worship with the acoustic guitar on his shoulder. Since then I realized that I wanted to start my own worship band.
My church's youth group was really small, so we didn't even have a proper youth band or anything, but when I gained decent knowledge in guitar and music, I have created our own worship band.
In the beginning, there was lots of disorder and dispute. We were just bunch of teenagers who just recently start playing instrument. As a band leader, I was responsible to prepare ahead of time and lead through the practice. It was important for me to stay prepared and productive; if I didn't I could easily ruins the whole practice. It also takes great amount of teamwork to produce great sounds. If one band mates mess up, the whole song would go off. Even though there were many obstacles fronts of us, through constant practices and teamwork, we were able to prepare for our own revival service.
Finally in June, 2010, we were able to have our very own revival service. Overcoming my shyness and stage frightening, I lead my band through the worship. Although it wasn't perfect, I felt accomplished and proud.
Through my band experience, I learn to take responsibility not only for myself but for the others too. I learn to be productive and hardworking. And most importantly, I realized that obstacles can be overcome through practice and teamwork. I believe that my band experience would be great plus factor to my personality and my future.