Hey,
Heres my essay for the University of Toronto, I'd love to know what you guys think of it before I send it out.
Please tell me where there are room for improvements, Essay writing isn't really my strong suit, so I'd love your help.
Thank you.
TOPIC-
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
3000 characters max.
ESSAY-
Bangladesh, a small third world country, roughly the size of Wisconsin with a population of about 150 million people, was at one time, a forefront for educational reform in Asia. The country's student population today is at a state of anarchy, with students from Dhaka University(an institution previously referred to as the "Oxford of the east", rioting on the streets and calling strikes on a regular basis. With the fast decline of the educational system, and regular breakdown of university administration, it is no great mystery why Bangladesh hasn't been able to build on the strong educational base our forefathers had built for us.
While in high school, I participated in many extra curricular activities. There were two in particular that shaped the future I wanted for myself and my country. The first being in 10th grade; during my volunteer work at the slums, I not only learnt to put myself in the situation of others, but I've also learnt to discovered my interests, my dreams, my goals, my future. But more importantly, I discovered me. I realized that the many large, unhygienic dumping zones throughout can be turned into a potential source of electricity by adopting active gas collection technology. This, among other green methods of energy, if applied by the major power companies, would ease the burden on the national power grids. And with my interests in establishing a more sustainable Bangladesh, came my interest in materials engineering. The second being in 11th grade, during my summer internship at Legacy Furniture Ltd. Production factory. Here I learned some basics of engineering and how machinery that you would normally see on the discovery channel were handled and maintained. This further fueled my ambition to become an engineer, and thus it was instilled in me, I must be an engineer.
Bangladesh has the potential to be forefront for change in the energy consumption so badly needed in the world today. With the decline of the educational system in Bangladesh, I feel that I will not be able to attain the knowledge I seek to be part of the movement that I so desperately want for my nation, and I feel that a degree in materials engineering from the University of Toronto would mot assuredly help me make by vision of a "greener" Bangladesh, and a greener world a reality.
during my volunteer work at the slums, I not only learnt to put myself in the situation of others, but I've also learnt to discovered my interests, my dreams, my goals, my future. But more importantly, I discovered memyselfif you dont like how "myself" sounds consider "something about myself I had been unaware of" or something along those linse, but me just sounds a bit blatant
I realized that the many large, unhygienic dumping zones throughoutthroughout what? can be turned into a potential source of electricity by adopting active gas collection technology.
This, among other greenthis is an excellent chance to sound more scholarly, take advantage of it. methods of energy
Actually, your first para fails to establish any link with the rest of your essay. You need to insert one or two lines to bridge those ideas with your interests, and why you want to study engineering and specially in Toronto. Once you do that, those ideas would add value to your answer.
but I've also learnt to discovered my interests, my dreams, my goals, my future.
but I also discovered my interests, dreams and goalsBangladesh, a small third world country, roughly the size of Wisconsin with a population of about 150 million people, was at one time, a forefront for educational reform in Asia.
hmmm I think this sentence is just a little bit too long.. Try to break it down like this,
Bangladesh is a small third world country and is roughly the size of Wisconsin. It has a population of approximately 150 million people. It was once considered to be a forefront for educational reform in Asia.
You actually write well but you make a few mistakes along the way as well I see. Look at the suggestions made to you. I'm sure it will help. :)
